Interview with a Bored God: Morpheus

Howdy, hello, and welcome! Summer vacation begins in two hours ... and all of my paperwork is finished! Nineteen items on the checklist. Each initialed by a different administrator. Re-sent my requisitions three times to the new supervisor. An auspicious beginning to a new regime.

But, la di dah! Sprung from cages on Highway 9, four-wheeled, fuel-injected and steppin out over the line!

Guess what? The bored deity Morpheus is here, at my request. He's stretched out on a school table. Having had to rise from bed at 5:30 from September to June (therefore programmed to wake up at that hour on the weekends as well), it's not surprising that I want to sleep for two weeks straight. But that's only part of the reason He's here.

Please give a warm, wonderful Gods Are Bored welcome to Morpheus, deity of sleep and dreams!

Anne: Long time, no see, Morpheus! Been busy?

Morpheus: Can't complain. There's the Gaiman stuff, and the lingering interest in Matrix movies. And of course the medication. It's like, planetary in its importance.

Anne: One of the lucky ones, you are! Unlike my poor Cloacina, whose sole raison d'etre these days is to protect a Tier I stream in Allegany County, Maryland.

Morpheus: It's very bright in this classroom.

Anne: Oh! My bad! Let me douse the fluorescent lights .... (*three minutes later*) zzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzz

Morpheus: Wake up! You don't want your colleagues to see you drooling. They already think you're weird. And a butt-kisser too.

Anne: Negative nellies. It's not butt-kissing, it's "everything's swell" whenever anyone asks. White lies = "positive attitude."

Morpheus: Why am I here, Anne?

Anne: Well, my daughter The Spare devised the idea of getting an aquarium and keeping a ghost shrimp in it as a pet.

Morpheus: Not very practical. Aren't they used as fish food?

Anne: Yes. They're delicate. She bought an aquarium, borrowed a filter, and brought one home. It promptly died. However, one of her friends gave her a black molly, and she named it Morpheus.

Morpheus: Matrix, probably.

Anne: Yeah, she's totally into the first one. Anyway, I called You here to ask You to safeguard Spare's fish. Since it's your namesake and all that. It's a pretty little thing, and it's more reliable company than Beta Cat.

Morpheus: How is Spare's aquarium hygiene? Fish aren't necessarily easy. Especially algae-eaters.

Anne: This is Spare's first fish. And I think she still plans to get another shrimp. She'll learn as she goes.

Morpheus: I'd be delighted to drop in on the little fishy at night, at least once a week. I'll put it on my to-do list. Are you still at the same address?

Anne: Glad you asked. That brings me to my other request. You used to dole out sexy dreams to me all the time. Now I dream about work, work, work. Last day of school, and I dreamed last night that I was being evaluated by a team of the hardest asses in the district. Unfair, Morpheus! Where's Clint Eastwood?

Morpheus: Making a horse's ass of himself on national t.v. You really want to dream about someone who talks to empty chairs?

Anne: Good point. I like the dudes on American Pickers.

Morpheus: Even Frank? He'd be flattered. But come on, now. If you want sexy dreams, you have to broaden your viewing repertoire a little bit. More movies, more t.v. shows. Vikings and American Pickers ain't gonna do it. And all the gods know that there's no one at your school who warrants a second glance. Geeze, you're like every other person who prays. You want Me to fix things, but you aren't willing to be proactive and do your part!

Anne: You've got a point there. I just don't know where to begin. I thought I would try Game of Thrones, but I started reading the first volume ... and it seems like it could be a tad bloody on screen.

Morpheus: I don't keep up with American t.v. I've got a half dozen Italian soccer teams that I follow. Don't ask me for recommendations.

Anne: Maybe my readers will help me. They sure were a gods-send when I asked them to recommend music for my hand-me-down MP3 player.

Morpheus: Hey, Anne's readers! Suggest some sexy male stars for Anne to watch on t.v. or in the movies! I can't work on fumes!

Anne: Thanks be to Thee, o Great God Morpheus, Dealer of Dreams! One last favor...

Morpheus: Name it.

Anne: Nix the nightmares about school evaluations. I'll owe you.

Morpheus: I got you. Least I can do. Say, how much longer do you have to stay here in this classroom, if you're finished all your administrative paperwork?

Anne: ZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZ *drools*