Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Interview with a Bored God: Morpheus

Howdy, hello, and welcome! Summer vacation begins in two hours ... and all of my paperwork is finished! Nineteen items on the checklist. Each initialed by a different administrator. Re-sent my requisitions three times to the new supervisor. An auspicious beginning to a new regime.

But, la di dah! Sprung from cages on Highway 9, four-wheeled, fuel-injected and steppin out over the line!

Guess what? The bored deity Morpheus is here, at my request. He's stretched out on a school table. Having had to rise from bed at 5:30 from September to June (therefore programmed to wake up at that hour on the weekends as well), it's not surprising that I want to sleep for two weeks straight. But that's only part of the reason He's here.

Please give a warm, wonderful Gods Are Bored welcome to Morpheus, deity of sleep and dreams!

Anne: Long time, no see, Morpheus! Been busy?

Morpheus: Can't complain. There's the Gaiman stuff, and the lingering interest in Matrix movies. And of course the medication. It's like, planetary in its importance.

Anne: One of the lucky ones, you are! Unlike my poor Cloacina, whose sole raison d'etre these days is to protect a Tier I stream in Allegany County, Maryland.

Morpheus: It's very bright in this classroom.

Anne: Oh! My bad! Let me douse the fluorescent lights .... (*three minutes later*) zzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzz

Morpheus: Wake up! You don't want your colleagues to see you drooling. They already think you're weird. And a butt-kisser too.

Anne: Negative nellies. It's not butt-kissing, it's "everything's swell" whenever anyone asks. White lies = "positive attitude."

Morpheus: Why am I here, Anne?

Anne: Well, my daughter The Spare devised the idea of getting an aquarium and keeping a ghost shrimp in it as a pet.

Morpheus: Not very practical. Aren't they used as fish food?

Anne: Yes. They're delicate. She bought an aquarium, borrowed a filter, and brought one home. It promptly died. However, one of her friends gave her a black molly, and she named it Morpheus.

Morpheus: Matrix, probably.

Anne: Yeah, she's totally into the first one. Anyway, I called You here to ask You to safeguard Spare's fish. Since it's your namesake and all that. It's a pretty little thing, and it's more reliable company than Beta Cat.

Morpheus: How is Spare's aquarium hygiene? Fish aren't necessarily easy. Especially algae-eaters.

Anne: This is Spare's first fish. And I think she still plans to get another shrimp. She'll learn as she goes.

Morpheus: I'd be delighted to drop in on the little fishy at night, at least once a week. I'll put it on my to-do list. Are you still at the same address?

Anne: Glad you asked. That brings me to my other request. You used to dole out sexy dreams to me all the time. Now I dream about work, work, work. Last day of school, and I dreamed last night that I was being evaluated by a team of the hardest asses in the district. Unfair, Morpheus! Where's Clint Eastwood?

Morpheus: Making a horse's ass of himself on national t.v. You really want to dream about someone who talks to empty chairs?

Anne: Good point. I like the dudes on American Pickers.

Morpheus: Even Frank? He'd be flattered. But come on, now. If you want sexy dreams, you have to broaden your viewing repertoire a little bit. More movies, more t.v. shows. Vikings and American Pickers ain't gonna do it. And all the gods know that there's no one at your school who warrants a second glance. Geeze, you're like every other person who prays. You want Me to fix things, but you aren't willing to be proactive and do your part!

Anne: You've got a point there. I just don't know where to begin. I thought I would try Game of Thrones, but I started reading the first volume ... and it seems like it could be a tad bloody on screen.

Morpheus: I don't keep up with American t.v. I've got a half dozen Italian soccer teams that I follow. Don't ask me for recommendations.

Anne: Maybe my readers will help me. They sure were a gods-send when I asked them to recommend music for my hand-me-down MP3 player.

Morpheus: Hey, Anne's readers! Suggest some sexy male stars for Anne to watch on t.v. or in the movies! I can't work on fumes!

Anne: Thanks be to Thee, o Great God Morpheus, Dealer of Dreams! One last favor...

Morpheus: Name it.

Anne: Nix the nightmares about school evaluations. I'll owe you.

Morpheus: I got you. Least I can do. Say, how much longer do you have to stay here in this classroom, if you're finished all your administrative paperwork?

Anne: ZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZ *drools*


Katy Anders said...

Guarding fish!

If he's not careful, Morpheus might go the way of the gods in Terry Pratchett's world: They get small from lack of worship, end up as turtles or something.

I mean, those Matrix residuals aren't going to last forever!

Congrats on making it to summer...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Drooling while asleep is one of the first indignities of middle age. I accept it now, of course, but it took me quite a while to reconcile myself to it. Thanks for nuttin, Morpheus.

Anne Johnson said...

He honestly visited me today. Pinky swear I feel like I took a roofie. Can't keep my eyes open.

aunttimmysoup said...

What types of shows do you like? I hear Jusified is good and the man on their looks quite delicious. I am more of a reader so I am not a great help.

aunttimmysoup said...

I hear Justified is good as a show. Movies... Magic Mike? LOL I have yet to see but if you want sexy dreams, I here that is a good place to start.