Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Sometimes It's Hard Not To Be a Hater

I think everyone ought to practice a religion that allows for a little hate, so long as it doesn't harm anyone. It's enormously difficult to love everyone all the time. As for that part about hate being bad for you, as in making you stressed or sick? Well, I'm not talking about being a seething ball of unrelenting hatred. I'm talking about taking a genuine look at some people and having a healthy dose of dislike.

I don't have to want to inflict physical or emotional damage on people just because I hate them. However, I believe it is actually healthy to admit that you hate someone. If you ask me, it's more stressful to find love in your heart when there isn't any, and shouldn't be any. Rational people will inevitably find certain individuals to be worthy of hatred. To me, that is perfectly okay. Just don't release the hounds.

Case in point: There is a married couple, man and wife, who are related somehow to one of my brothers-in-law. Every time we have a family party, this couple comes to it. They have been coming to every family get-together for 23 years. And they drink heavily.

As with anyone who drinks heavily, eventually these people get loud and lose track of politeness.

This past weekend Mr. J and I, Heir and Spare, and Extra Chair went to a family gathering. As usual, the repellant couple was there. As usual, drinking heavily.

Late in the afternoon, the female portion of this couple, when introduced to Extra Chair, began grilling EC on forced abortions in China. As you might recall, Extra Chair is a Chinese exchange student who is boarding with us. Before we could stop the hard-drinking female, she had shrilly peppered poor Chair with nasty questions about Chair's native land. Chair is 16.

Can you imagine being taken to task for your country's political positions as a teenager, in a language you don't entirely understand? Now, reader, let me ask you. Would you pose hard questions about Chinese public policy to an exchange student who was just standing there, minding her own business, awkward to begin with?

I hate this couple. I hate this woman. I hated her before this past weekend, and I hate her now. My reasons for hating her extend beyond her bad behavior toward Extra Chair. In my judgment, she and her husband pose a threat to my brother-in-law's safety.

Notice a few things about this hatred:

1. I am not asking anyone else to hate these people.
2. I am not obsessed with them.
3. I do not wish them harm, nor would I inflict harm upon them. Hatred does not presuppose bad behavior.

I spent about 50 miles of I-95 apologizing to Extra Chair for the drunken tirade she experienced at our so-called lovely family get-together. She was very kind about it and said it didn't bother her. Well, it bothered me. I might not like or agree with Chinese public policy, or how the country provides for its citizenry, but I'm not going to expect Extra Chair to understand her homeland's woes or fix them. She just needs to read The Great Gatsby.

Yes, I'm a hater. No, I don't think it's bad, so long as no one gets hurt and the furniture doesn't get stained. Feel free to argue with me in the comment thread. I speak only for myself and a few warlike bored gods.


Lucretia said...

I TOTALLY agree with you on this one, Anne. Sometimes hate/intense dislike is warranted, and it DOES feel good to admit it, even if you don't plan to do anything about it. My favorite bored goddess, Sekhmet, agrees with both of us. (She does get a little pushy about the retribution part sometimes, but we're working on that.)

Katy Anders said...

Sounds about right... There's something to be said for understanding how you feel about someone and their actions - and acting accordingly. Keep those people out of your life as much as possible.


I always feel like the Goddess wants me to do good and I figure bitch slapping someone like her is as good as it gets.

Maebius said...

Well said Anne!
I think that while 'tis a noble aspiration to be Loving All The Time, it's night impossible and a bit silly. Those emoptions exist, and being mindful of them is a healthy thing. You admit it's yours, and move on, not not proselytize that feeling.
...I hate when people do that. :P

Maebius said...

oops, double negative up there. I blame word-wrap making me miss that when I re-typed after erroring out the first time!

Vest said...

Maebius. What is proselytize? sounds as if it could be painful, or is there an alternative word which is more familiar which means the same. It's nigh impossible to get through some comments due to over use of uncommon words. Why use a Greek word when a good old Anglo Saxon word would do nicely.
However, I proselytized when I rid my self from the chains of the faith industry. That should fit in nicely too.

Vest said...

I never use the word hate, I might express that word in a less intrusive manner, and I agree to dislike intensely is a better way to get around that fearful expression.

Maebius said...

I figured Proselytize is teh best word for the intent I tried to convey. Basically, Anne didn't try to enforce her belief on us readers, beyond stating it.
Convert or attempt to convert (someone) from one religion, belief, or opinion to another.

aka: Joiiiinnn Uuuusssss. :P

She didn't really do that.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes correcting someone's bad behavior is an expression of love. Depends on the tone. Have you asked your brother-in-law about this couple? Just an open-ended question to see if he is aware of how abhorrent their drunk behavior is?