Friday, May 24, 2013

A Shameless Plea for the Jersey Shore

Yes. It's an ugly stretch of real estate, with rough surf and bad food. Yes, there are indeed drunken idiots of both genders on certain boardwalks. And yes. The accommodations are overpriced. And yes, its governor is a big-mouthed moron who lets the invisible strings do the talking.

Having said all that, won't you please visit the Jersey Shore this summer?

Last fall, Hurricane Sandy walloped Jersey really hard. People have been working like bees in a hive ever since, trying to prepare for the summer tourism season.

What I'd like you to keep in mind, my three readers, is that tourism is a big employer, especially of college-aged students. A summer job at the Jersey Shore has paid many a school year tuition bill. Many year-round small businesses depend upon these three short months ahead, too. We at "The Gods Are Bored" are all in favor of helping out the little guys. In this case, the Jersey Shore is full of such folks.

Well, it's a long stretch of beach, beginning at Cape May and ending within spitting distance of Manhattan. Along such a vast expanse of seashore, it is possible to avoid Snookie and her ilk. Here's a helpful "free advice" guide to the Jersey Shore (which, as I said, desperately needs your tourist dollar this year):

1. Asbury Park -- great run-down but hipster boardwalk, decent beach (tags a bit pricey). Stay for the concert at the Stone Pony! And let me know when you'll be there. If I'm not working, I'll meet up wicha.

2. Ocean City -- this is a nice place for families, especially if you've got those pesky tweens that complain about everything. If you want to gain three pounds in three days, this is your spot! I dare you to avoid the Johnson's Popcorn. (no relation).

3. Margate -- You gotta see the house that's shaped like an elephant. It's so cute! And Margate (and neighboring Ventnor) are beaches tailor-made for lounging and reading a good summer book.

4. Cape May -- Victorian charm, if you're drowning in ducats. Also great birdwatching.

5.Avalon -- This is a nice, laid-back kind of town with a great beach and not a lot of places for people to get in trouble. You can get an intimate little rental property for you and 25 of your best friends, beach-front and everything!

6. Seaside Heights -- because maybe you really do want to see 5,000 Snookie wannabes partying like rock stars.

"So, Anne," you ask. "What about all those hypodermic needles in the sand?"

Oh, ye of little faith! Have you no trust in King Triton or Queen Oshun? Would your bored gods let you step in medical waste? Seriously, with all the beach replenishment that goes on, particularly in the wake of Sandy, there are hardly any seashells on the shoreline, let alone discarded surgical sponges.

I spent a good bit of time at the Jersey Shore last summer, and while it will never hold a place in my heart (for many reasons), it is enjoyable, refreshing, and a great place to sit and read. One of my first criteria for a vacation spot is the ability to sit and read unmolested. For this, I cannot recommend Ventnor enough. I'll see you there, because I just started Game of Thrones.

Images: Jersey shoreline by Maggie Magee Molina; "Lucy" the Elephant by



I wish the Jersey Shore a healthy recovery.Always wanted to go to Jersey Shore..really!

Anne Johnson said...

And I wish West, Texas a speedy recovery!

Green said...

I went to Atlantic City every summer for family vacations as a child and have such fond memories. I truly cannot stand to go now with the casinos - entirely too depressing. We stopped at Ventnor and Margate every trip, and the elephant was quite the attraction then! The beaches at Ventnor were lovely and quiet. Perhaps if the income allows...