Thursday, September 09, 2010

Burn, Chicka Burn Burn!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where you can come for a chuckle at the end of your long, tough working day! Tee hee! (See? I told you!)

All this talk of burning the Koran has put me in the mood to torch some tomes. Don't you feel the same way? Like, if we're going to light a fire, shouldn't we throw lots of stuff in it?

Well, I was going to use the Great Gainesville Koran Burn as a locale to ignite some Chick tracts. You know who Jack Chick is, don't you? He's the guy who writes all the "you are going to burn in hell forever" comic books for happy little kids!  Except that after they read the comic books, the kids aren't happy anymore. They're anxious and depressed and wondering how God can be so mean. (I speak from experience.)

Burn them! Into the fire with all Chick tracts! They'll make a terrific conflagration, much better than the dull Koran!

I'm having second thoughts. Here's why:

When I went to the Chick website to pick up the link, I saw that the great master Mister Chick has published a brand new comic (the guy is like, 85 or something). This comic is Halloween-themed, but by golly it's almost as silly as the Cthulhu rip-offs that keep getting pulled from the Web.

Here it is, go have a laugh.

What I love about this is that Halloween is suddenly okey-dokey with the notoriously anti-Pagan Mr. Chick. As long as some nice Christian lady is handing out Chick tracts instead of candy (and the message about sin and damnation gets in there), we can all trick-or-treat!

Dare we say it? Is Jack Chick going soft?

You know what? Even if he is going soft, that old stuff of his is rancid! So the tract burning is back on again! This Saturday at sundown, we at "The Gods Are Bored" will kindle a fire and then stoke it with classic Chick tracts, all the while chanting, "Chick is a hater! Chick is a hater!"

Damn. This sounds like one fun plan. Mark your calendar, I feel a book-burnin' comin' on!


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Every Jehovah's Witness in town used to hand out those tracts! They were so awful!

Alex Pendragon said...

I remember them. They helped cure me of Christianity.

Aquila ka Hecate said...

Someone in Joburg is planning on burning bibles on the Library Gardens lawn on Saturday.
A bunch of lawyers have applied to the court for an urgent inderdict to stop him - the lawyers are Muslim, sounds like.
This keeps getting crazier.

Terri in Joburg

JohnFranc said...

Burning books is evil. Chick tracts are evil. Which is the lesser of the two evils?

Decisions, decisions...

The Kitchen Witch said...

My friends and I regularly burn books. Not Bibles or Korans just books we have gotten that we either couldn't read all the way through or had to for school but hated so much that the need to burn them was there. We all are avid readers and bibliophiles but some things that make it to printed word are just plain criminal. A friend just got his masters degree and he had some leftover books that he really didn't want anymore so we burned them. We are equal opportunity book burners. We burned a Manga Jesus book right along with Johnny Tremain and a romance novel that was one of the worst pieces of literature I had ever had the misfortune of stumbling upon. It can be used for good as well as evil. The Jack Chick tracts are published material and in my opinion if you have the urge to burn them you should. It is very cathartic to watch something you hate that much be destroyed and it is after all only drivel.

Servitor Lucem said...

That Chick tract was awesomely strange. Whoa.