Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," prompt home delivery of select deities, fresh and willing to accept your praise and worship! Just call us UPS -- Upscale Pantheon Service!
You know it's bound to happen. You leave your teenager home alone, she's going to get in trouble.
I'm talking about my younger daughter, The Spare. (I have two female children, The Heir and The Spare. Heir is in college right now. More on her in a moment.)
Yesterday I staggered in from another long bout of night school to find that my teenager had committed a despicable act. Oh, all bored gods please forgive her!
I think I've mentioned that we took in two foster kittens from the shelter. To nurture and tame them up so that Santa would have them to dole out on Yule. Well ...
... exceedingly difficult to confess this ...
The Spare gave one of the kittens a makeover.
Yes, I know. I know! We Pagans suffer egregiously under the burden of stereotype, much of it based on ritual killings of kittens. How could The Spare not remember that as she gently swiped blush across the cheeks of Reba the Kitten?
I noticed immediately that Reba the Kitten had a subtle rosy glow that was decidedly un-kitten-like. When confronted with the evidence, Spare admitted that Reba had been climbing her as she did her own makeup, so she impulsively gave Reba a peppy new look.
For shame! A kitten wearing blush! I'm devastated that my child, who I have raised to the best of my ability, would actually apply cosmetics to a feline's cheeks!
Fear not, readers. Spare will be punished severely. She will be dragged to Baltimore, to the baby shower of her father's first cousin -- a girl who knows to wait until after she's had the baby to get married, so she'll look better in her wedding gown. Now there's a set of values any parent would appreciate!
I can't bring myself to confiscate Spare's makeup. She would rather have her pressed powder than the keys to the T-bird. And truth be told, Reba the Kitten seems no worse for wear. Not that I want to condone immoral behavior, but ... oh, don't say you heard it here! ... A kitten looks really cute with a little blush, properly applied.
No, Anne! Bad! Bad! No makeup on kittens! Bad! Bad Spare! Off to bed without watching Countdown with Keith!
That'll teach her.
Update on Heir: My daughter The Heir is ill, but she does not like for me to talk about her here at TGAB. Your well wishes and positive energy will be most appreciated. Her doctors feel that if she takes it easy between semesters, rests and pampers herself, she will feel better in time for the spring term. She has a chronic condition, so she has no choice but to learn how to live with it. The good news is that she's joined a band in Philly. She plays the musical saw. Now she wants to expand her repertoire by learning the ukulele.
It's too late to put these challenging offspring up for adoption. I'll just have to muddle through somehow.