Monday, November 26, 2007

Banned Books Day!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," using banned book lists as reading guidelines since ... emm ... never mind. It's a long time. Forget Oprah! If you're looking for quality literature, the banned book list rarely leads you astray.

All the hoo-hah over Harry Potter being Satanic has made me laugh, because Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials, also a trilogy for tween/teen readers, makes no bones about its loathing of organized religion in general and Christianity in particular. As I read the three books cover to cover, I kept asking myself, "Wow. How come these tomes haven't been banned by the usual suspects?" I mean, it's not every day when you can read a book where the heroine and hero kill God.

(Pullman won the Whitbread Award, the British equivalent of the National Book Award, for The Amber Spyglass, the final volume in the trilogy. It was the first time a children's book had ever won such a prestigious award in the UK.)

Back to my question: Why hasn't this trilogy been banned?

Fear not, seekers of truth! Over the weekend, the Catholic Church issued a statement urging its members not to go see the movie based on the first volume, The Golden Compass. Concerned parents are having the trilogy stripped from the shelves of school libraries even as we speak!

My guess is that the film version of The Golden Compass minimizes the anti-Christian bias. But if the filmmakers wander into vols. 2 and 3 for cinematic brilliance, they won't be able to avoid the God thang.

Banning books traditionally increases interest in them, so we at "The Gods Are Bored" are thrilled that His Dark Materials has finally found its way onto the list. If you're looking for a good Xmas gift for that younger reader in your sphere of influence, get thee to a small, independent bookstore post haste!

And now, in honor of banned books, here's another banned hero, Captain Underpants (by Dav Pilkey, it's must reading for the crazy kid in your life)! From one of his books, the Captain has a little fun exercise for you today.

Discover your real name!

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

Banned, banned, banned! Can I please buy 12 copies?



Anonymous said...

i laughed a million times.
-dorky frickenbutt

yellowdoggranny said...

I am late to the dark materials..for my birthday junebugg sent me the book with all 3 stories..i just finished the golden compass and half way through the second one...i love them....and after my friend reads them i will donate them to the library..where we don't bad books..thank the goddess...
"goober pottyhiney"..

Brandon said...

I make it a point to encourage people to read banned books. My son and I have started reading Northern Lights (Golden Compass in the UK). No Catcher in the Rye until after he graduates high school. My sister thinks it's the reason she and I dropped out. :P

Anne said...

When my son was about 5 (he's now 11), we read the Dark Materials trilogy for his night-time chapter book reading. Took a while to get through, but we're into perseverance, and the books are marvelous. I used them as an opportunity to put his Catholic schooling into perspective -- WHY people might be annoyed at the Church: history lessons!

We've been rereading them lately, and Lyra and Will are about to kill off God again. He wasn't going to go to the movie, since it's his opinion that movies are never as wonderful as the books they come from, BUT the Catholic League sent him home from school with a vitriolic flyer explaining that True Christians will OF COURSE boycott the movie, so now he's determined to go.

My boy. I'm so proud.

Buzzardbilly said...

Let's hope the book banning bandwagon takes off more as the film hits theaters. I still remember checking off every single book on the "Dirty Thirty" list of the 30 most banned books that my English 101 teacher lovingly handed out to all her students on the first day of class every semester.--dorfus hubblebutt

Tennessee Jed said...

Prophet Tootsie Gizzard Hump here!

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Snicker Burgersquirt.

I'll take it.

Thalia said...

You know, a few years back I legally changed my birth name because I just couldn't stand it any more. It was Dorfus Gizzardbutt; now, it's Snickle Pottybrains. Much improved, don't you think?

Evn said...

Like many Pagans, I have multiple names. As such, I am now known as either:

Fluffy FrickenButt (Yeah, not gonna happen.)


Sloopy WaffleLips (Hmmm!)

The name "Sloopy" definitely has potential. And, of course, the 60's pop ballad suggests I should "hang on." Sound advice, really.

Aquila ka Hecate said...

I just finished the first book a couple of weeks ago-it's a great book and I intend to raid my local bookstores for the other two this month.
I'm presently re-reading Heinlein's Stranger for about the fiftieth time since I was twelve-now there's a book that bears banning.
Oh hang on, they already did...
Dorfus RhinoNose in Joburg

Astarte Moonsilver said...

I just finished the trilogy last night, as a matter of fact!!!

I had never heard of "His Dark Materials" until I saw a movie trailer for "The Golden Compass". I bought a copy on Amazon the same day, and wolfed it down in about a week.

My tiny town sent their Catholic parishoners to picket our tiny movie theater when "The Da Vinci Code" came out, they even bought out the seats for a couple of shows to keep us from seeing it. As a result, (because of it's 'sold out' status) the theater owners kept it running for an additional two weeks! Eventually everybody saw it anyway because they ultimately wanted to know what the fuss is all about.

It irks me to no end to be told what movies or books to read or watch because of what it might lead me to believe later, like we're all incapable of using logic and reasoning, and must be "warned" about movies that challenge our beliefs. Like it's a bad thing to change your mind, ever.

Cheesy Pottysniffer

jedijawa said...


I tend to think that if your faith is that easy to shake then maybe you have bigger problems than what books you should and shouldn't read.

Jaspenelle Jovian said...

I adored that series as a teen, can't wait for the movie. (Man, I have always wanted a daemon...) Some vocal Christians disapproval will only increase its revenue - haven't they realized that yet?

Dorfus Dippinhump