Saturday, December 30, 2006

More Infallible Logic from Anne

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Don't expect any New Year's greetings here. The New Year began November 1 in our preferred pantheon. And the weather was really nice then.

Follow my logic:

1. People like Saddam, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot deserve to die for torturing great groups of people to death.

2. The victims of the above dictators suffered horribly and then died. Human beings with empathy find this appalling.

If the above two statements are true, then:

3. The God of the Torah/Bible/Koran should be promptly tried and hanged. Somehow this deity has discovered a method of torture for eternity, eliminating even the possibility of a peaceful death. And this deity is inflicting said perpetual torture on masses of good people in numbers that so dwarf Mao's achievements as to make Mao look like a wee little krill in the wide Sargasso Sea.

Judged by human standards, God Almighty is a brutal, despotic dictator. Get the rope, Chauncey.

I've been told to my face that when I arrive at the Pearly Gates, my dad will be standing there crying because he got into heaven and I won't. But I've got news for you, folks. My dad once pulled over in his car to break up a violent domestic dispute between two complete strangers. Ain't no way he'd sit by and let God Almighty do an eternal Stalin on me. Ain't no way I'd take up a harp and a plate of casserole and sit in heaven while my kids were being tortured forever, either.

Why don't we put a "Help Wanted" Ad in USA Today and see if we can find ourselves a sane bored goddess to set all this right? I'll bet She's out there right now, whispering in a few ears. Hey. I'll listen.




Athana said...

Whoooeee girl, it's good to hear someone else has been hit with god people crying crocodile tears on her behalf because "We'll be in heaven, and you won't be there." Wait, wait, let me guess: could it have been your mega-church, Jesus-loving sister?

And you had to know I'd love your logic here, with the rope and the Help Wanted ad. You go, Merlin of Berkeley Springs!

Erik said...

To be fair, "Torah" doesn't quite belong in the same sentence. Normative Judaism (I'm allowing for the possibility of exceptions, although I don't know of any) does not teach the doctrines either of original sin or eternal damnation.

buddy don said...

a nuther goodn, anne, tho i agree with erik. i caint find whar the torah claims innythang ceptn them that aint wurthy wood be deestroyed, witch i aint claimin to be much of a eggspurt.

sopka said...

Why is it these people want us in heaven. The ones telling us We are going to hell, rarely like us. Mostly they say it hoping it goes on some imaginary list good deeds. I had a friend tell me once Hell was for people to afraid to grow.