Friday, November 10, 2006


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we entertain you with a Tab and a smile! Sorry, no Coke. We have to watch our girlish figure.

My daughter The Heir works at a rare book store. She likes the work because she never knows what she'll find: For instance, yesterday it was The Eye in the Triangle, by (I think) Israel Regardie. Correct me if I'm wrong.

When I went to pick her up yesterday afternoon, she said, "Mom. Come look at this."

It was a big, original, magnificent oil painting of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. When I told her what the painting portrayed, she'd never heard of them. Twelve years a Methodist and never perused Revelation! I'm thinking about sending her to Jesus Camp.

Actually I wasn't far behind her. I couldn't recall exactly what each Horseman represented. Guess I've spent too much time with the bored gods. So I dusted off the old Third Grade Bible, the one every good Christian kid gets, and tried to piece it together.

No luck. The Book of Revelation is murky on the subject. At least my translation is. Better make two reservations at Jesus Camp.

My daughter said that the painting just showed one theory. Some people hold the theory that these Celestial Jockeys are gonna ride out of the clouds and whoop ass.

I explained to her that this was not a theory, but a belief. It could only be a theory if it was backed by scientific evidence. For instance, if the Hubble Space Telescope found a planet being threatened by a foursome of giant Grim Reapers astride supersized equines, then the Four Horsemen would become a theory and not a belief. But until then, I don't think the bright scientists at the Discovery Institute are gonna be able to experiment with this one.

Cheeky as this may seem, we at "The Gods Are Bored" hereby offer our own Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

1. People
2. People
3. People
4. People

At the rate we're going, we won't need big dudes on steeds. We're perfectly capable of destroying our own kind if we really put our minds to it. And if we shilly-shally, the Yellowstone Caldera will speak its piece. Or we'll fry in our own CO2.

So kindly forgive me if I feel that the true Four Horsemen have come and gone, leaving behind some historic football victories and perhaps a few descendants.

Exhibit A: Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

"Eyeball Vulture" by Cy to be used only with permission of "The Gods Are Bored."


Davo said...

damn, we've just had the Melbourne Cup. bloody thing was pinched by a horse and rider from Japan. Arrgh! Apocalyplic.

Davo said...

(or Epoch-alyptic, whatever.)

buddy don said...

war, pestilence, famine, death. i dint know they wuz in the bible, but i caint claim to have sussed out revelayshun all that good. people kin keep em all a'goin, all rite, n seems lack we are 'hell bent' to doot.

Athana said...

Oh, I beg of you, anne! Please don't send the Heir to Jesus Camp! Spare the poor child, I'm on bended knee....

I looked up the 4 horse guys at Wikipedia (my church didn't deal with these guys much), and they have a depressingly detailed and loooooong article on such. Buddy don listed them: war, pestilence, famine and death.

So what else is new? Haven't we had all four in spades for the last several thousand years? And I haven't seen any apocalypse (yet, anyway).

I agree: people, people, people, and people is just as good.