Thursday, May 08, 2008

Me and My Big Fat Mouth

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," parenting without enthusiasm since 2005! I had a lot of fun in my 20s, and then I settled down to procreate. Now I'm old and weird and a fair target for two peppy young daughters.

Today I went to teach at the Vo-Tech. I'm a substitute teacher until something better comes along. And trust me, I go to the edge of my property every day, searching the horizon for that better thing ... or even a hint of its approaching dust in the distance.

When you're a long-term substitute teacher who has to replace some outgoing mommy-to-be, it's inevitable that some of the students will resent the disruption of their happy routine. I had one such student this past winter, and she did her level best to make my life heck. Didn't work, because she isn't family. Only my family can make my life heck. Read on.

It's been about two months since the long-term job ended, and I've been doing some other things for awhile. But I've returned to the Vo-Tech, and today I had that student who hated me. I hadn't seen her since March.

I've got a bum hip. This morning during class I had to get up from a chair and walk across the room. Observing my gait, the student in question murmured, "Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down."

She was almost wrong, because I could have fallen on the floor laughing. This kid is way too young to remember Weebles. I have no idea where she got the illusion, but it fit perfectly.

EXHIBIT A: WEEBLES


Then I made my GREAT BIG MISTAKE.

I came home from work, and over dinner I told my daughters, The Heir and The Spare, about "Weebles wobble." They've been singing the ditty ever since, and it's clear they plan to put it in their permanent repertoire. The Heir is old enough to remember Weebles, and she quickly clued The Spare in to what they're all about. The Spare, a quick study, ran with the Weeble epithet all evening and clearly has plans to rinse and repeat.

By the time I get wise to my shortcomings, I won't be a Weeble, I'll be a Feeble.

Did I discipline or write up the student who called me a Weeble? Are you kidding? We at "The Gods Are Bored" worship wit! The kid got extra credit on the day.

FROM ANNE
WEEBLE OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's funny that you posted that today. My mom got called a fatass bitch and a bunch of other stuff in a note she confiscated from one of her sixth-grade students. She called me crying after school. She's fifty-six and has three more years to go. I wish she could have your forgiving spirit. And I wish she could retire right now like she wants to. Teaching sucks rocks sometimes, you know?
-Erin

THE Michael said...

You must be stopped.

And I am giving you 50 demerits for not being MY teacher when I needed you.

Thanks for being here. On planet Earth, I mean.

yellowdog granny said...

oh man, if you had been my teacher...well, if i would have been your student...you would have quit...i spent 3/4's of my time my 7-8th grade in the priciple's office..lamenting the fact that 'no one has a sense of humor in this place.'

Big Tex said...

I commend you, you have to be made of strong stuff sometimes to be a teacher. I remember a teacher we had in my 10th grade English class, who was in her first year of teaching - we actually drove her out of the teaching profession altogether before her first six weeks were up. I don't know if it was just our class that caused it, but I do recall that on her last day, she actually began crying and walked out in the middle of class, and we never saw her again. The principal had to come and occupy us until the end of class that day - and that was no fun whatsoever, because that guy was a hardass and we did NOT mess with him.

Weebles are awesome, and I'm not just saying that because I'm shaped like one. I can't believe that they don't make them anymore. Maybe they got tired of hearing parents complain about stepping on them all the time, or how often they got used as projectiles. Or maybe that was just my parents...

Raevyn said...

Welcome to the Weeble family!! I've had those days when (and this is my own little blurb) I've "felt distinctly like a weeble", however in my case it is not due to a bum hip but an over-indulgence in some form of al-ca-ma-hollllll...

LOL thanks for the giggle, fellow Weeble!! :)

Brother Red said...

Bah! You danged liberals! Personally, I'm more for capital punishment in the schools. That'll stifle their "wit" and teach them to be good little Eichmans for the next reich. "Weebles wobble, but they don't-" ZOT! 50,000 volts running from the seat to said future-goth's tail end, and another misfit out of the gene pool in no time flat!

There's a reason I don't teach, I suppose. ;) And I'm also, personally, glad that you're teaching. Keep up the good work.