How Does Your Garden Grow?
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" That annoying sound you hear is Anne gnashing her teeth. It's a two-day weekend, amigos, and of the two days, Cinqo de Mayo looks like the best one for the Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm.
Today's weather forecast is ... well ... dead-on perfect. Sunday's -- gusty wind and a high of 60 -- sounds like it'll scare all the faeries away.
Oh well, la di dah. Toujours gai, and all that.
Are you a great gardener? Hey, so am I!
I finally learned the secret to a beautiful, verdant garden. Now, absolutely free of charge, I'm going to share it with you. It's your lucky day!
A Mennonite farmer, now passed into the arms of Jesus, once told me: "You know what a weed is? It's a plant that's growing where you don't want it to grow."
That's right. Rule that garden with an iron fist. Get a touchy little impatiens, sow it where it will parch without a daily drenching, wait until September, and it might look nice for a week or two before the frost kills it.
BAMP! Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
We now introduce to you:
LITTLE ANNIE SUNSHINE'S WEED-FREE GARDEN!
Step One: Re-define every plant in your yard so that none of them are weeds.
Whatever happens to be growing where it is growing, when it is growing, and how it is growing, is what is meant to be. It's not a weed. You like having it there.
(Sole exception, poison ivy.)
You must be thinking to yourself, wow. That woman's garden must be hideous!
We're now into Year Three of Annie Sunshine's new philosophy of gardening. And yes, the yard has been re-taken by growing things that are native to New Jersey.
Guess what, muchachas? If you let weeds grow, they bloom!
I've got two lil' old thingies out by the front door that are all green and likely-looking, except I didn't plant them. They just came up. I think they're going to be black-eyed susans. Dunno. But I want them there, they aren't weeds!
My biggest success is my poppers. This time of year they appear as a charming green ground cover. They grow to about 5 feet in height by September, at which time they provide a stunning privacy screen for the whole backyard. Then, just as all those expensive annuals are withering (in other peoples' yards), my poppers burst into bloom with dear little orange, snapdragon-like flowers. When the flowers turn into seed pods, you pinch them between your fingers and they pop in an adorable, birthday-party kinda way.
I wish thistles and ragged robins grew around here. Ever seen a thistle in bloom? Who the hell thought up making that a weed?
Labels: free advice