Showing posts with label water tasting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label water tasting. Show all posts

Sunday, February 21, 2021

Buy Bins or Barrels

 Hello and welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," natural disaster edition! I'm your host, Anne Johnson, and today (for once) I'm going to be serious.

When the forecasters began to predict Hurricane Sandy in 2012, I did something that caused no end of derision within my household: I emptied all the bins of fairy costumes and Christmas ornaments and school mementos, and I put all the empty bins out in the back yard, topless.

When the storm clouds gathered and the wind picked up, I filled the bathtub and the washing machine to the tip top, and I filled every large pot to the brim with water. I used the hose to fill the bins.

And oh, was I ever disrespected for it! Mr. J and The Fair thought I was being alarmist and ridiculous.

Hurricane Sandy made landfall on Samhain and wiped out power for 8.7 million East Coasters. A cold front came after the storm (really cold). Some people were without power for a month. A colleague of mine lost her whole house to the ravenous waves.

Turns out I didn't need all that water I poured in the bins and pots. But what if I had needed water?

Water is taken for granted in most of America. You turn on the tap, and out it comes. You flush the john, and off goes the waste. You jump in the shower, and voila! Minty fresh!

But what happens if your water supply is cut off? I mean, open the tap and nothing comes out? This could happen anywhere.

Even with low-flow toilets, you need about two gallons of water to flush. This was what I had in mind when I filled all those bins. Three people were living in my house during Hurricane Sandy, and I would need to flush the toilet at least once a day. Even my meager math skills were sufficient to see how much water we would need.

And then there's tooth-brushing, and minimal washing, and just plain old drinking.

Humans can survive a few weeks without heat or food, but nobody's gonna go that long without drinking water. And let me tell you from experience: Life with a restricted water supply is really, really different than what we take for granted here in the USA.

Call me paranoid or alarmist if you like, but I know the location of every spring in my vicinity, the flow of the spring, and ease with which I could fill water vessels from its banks. I hope I never have to put this knowledge to the test, but maybe I will. Gods know I won't give myself much of a chance of survival if I have to drink New Jersey spring water straight from the ground, but I sure could flush a toilet with it, or boil it, or just take a leap of faith and drink it.

My free advice to you, valued reader, is this: When a weather forecast is very dire, and the worlds "widespread power outages" are used, that's the time when you should get out your bins and your pots, and fill your tub and your washing machine. It's even better if you have a rain barrel or a few trash cans that are on the clean side. What harm does it cause if you fill up all those vessels against a dire emergency?

If you live in a relatively moist area (like New Jersey), take a look around your basic neighborhood, within walking distance. Is there a water source? How clean is it? Could you carry water back from it to flush your crapper? These are things you should consider.

This preparation won't keep you from having to stand in line for bottled water, but it will be very helpful in keeping yourself and your bathroom clean.

As long as we're on the subject, latrine pits can be dug if the ground isn't frozen. Not pleasant to contemplate, but hey. Our ancestors survived it. Heck, I survived it.

Water is more valuable than petroleum, diamonds, sportscars, and mansions. Make sure you're prepared in an emergency. If you don't have bins full of fairy costumes and Christmas ornaments, go out and buy a few. Bins, that is ... not fairy costumes. It's no skin off your nose if you find yourself with a well-watered lawn in the wake of a disaster. But it could be quite dire to find yourself waterless while everyone else around you is waterless too.

This advice is offered free of charge, because you are all such wonderful people! Peace out.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

My Fabulous Career as a Water Judge


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" King Triton is here today, joining me to celebrate the world of water!

Last week I taped an interview with National Public Radio on my fabulous and notorious career as a water judge. The program, called The Story with Dick Gordon, aired today (May 28) at 1:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m.

The clip will be archived by now, and you can listen to it from this site. Be sure to check out the truly butt-ugly picture of me, sitting at the edge of the Lord Fairfax Spring in Berkeley Springs.

King Triton is still laughing about how nervous I was during the taped interview. (He's right. I mean, a taped interview! Any time I could have said, "CINDY JACOBS IS THE ANTIDEITY" and they just would have edited it out.)

I also made a mistake that didn't occur to me until I was walking up Market Street toward the El. The host, Dick Gordon, asked me to taste and comment upon the glass of water they gave me so my mouth wouldn't dry out. It didn't taste like Philly tap water. DUH! The technician must have gotten it from a water fountain!

I am not known for quick thinking. But since my duty in life is to entertain the bored gods, and King Triton is cracking up, I guess I did good.

To hear my mellifluous voice, go here:


Please don't tell me if I sound stupid. I already know how I sound.

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

Monday, March 10, 2008

H2 Whoa!


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Gods and Goddesses are Great! Hallelujia!

Worship as you please, just don't stain my furniture.

I've been working and working on an essay for The Smart Set, an online magazine. When the story runs, I'll link ya to it. It's about my latest lucrative (not) line of work ... water tasting.

I attended a water tasting competition in Berkeley Springs two weekends ago. I was a judge. In the space of six hours, I ranked 71 different kinds of water in four categories. At the end, one of my fellow judges and I realized we probably drank about 82 ounces of water in that time.

So, does all water taste alike? Well, if you've had 71 tastes in 6 hours, it does all start to taste the same. I imagine 71 orgasms in 6 hours would all start to feel the same. But hey, I'd try it anyway!

On Sunday night, as part of preparation for the story, I staged a mini-water tasting at home. I chose five types of water:

1. Berkeley Springs from the spring head
2. Tap water that runs from that stupid little spout on the refrigerator door
3. Water fountain water from the Vo-Tech
4. Dasani
5. Fiji

I used the ranking sheet from the official water tasting competition. My daughter The Spare helpfully brought me each different water in an identical glass, one at a time. It was a blind taste test. The last water she brought out was the best by a long shot.

Here is how the waters ranked at the end of the tasting, from worst to best:

5. Vo-Tech water fountain
4. Tap water from the stupid spout on the fridge
3. Berkeley Springs
2. Fiji
1. Dasani

Honest, I didn't cheat!

Now here's the amazing thing. Without looking, and before The Spare told me which entry was which, I correctly identified the source of three out of five samples. The only ones I got mixed up were Dasani and Fiji.

If you can do the math, go ahead. But I know that way beats the odds.

One note: Berkeley Springs water might not rank at the top taste-wise, but it is super for the digestion. Kind of like a Metamucil that isn't disgusting. So drink it to your health, just like George Washington did throughout his life!

The moral of this sermon: Before you plunk down $1.49 for that nine-ounce bottle of Fiji Water that leaves a carbon footprint the size of a Brontosaurus, grab a Dasani. It's the Wonder Bread of bottled waters, the product of scientific wizardry, and it was probably bottled not far from where you live.

As always, this sound advice offered free of charge.

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

Monday, February 25, 2008

In Which I Do Something Worthy of "Countdown!"

Welcome to "The Gods Are Very Interested in the Antics of Anne Johnson!" I'm your host, Anne Johnson. That's the Anne Johnson who participated in the 18th annual Berkeley Springs Water Tasting Festival this past weekend. That's the Berkeley Springs Water Tasting Festival that just got mentioned on "Countdown with Keith!"


If you blinked you missed it, but the Los Angeles municipal water supply was among Keith's "bests" tonight, 2/25. Yes, Anne Johnson helped to establish L.A.'s tap water as top of the flock! Here I am, hard at work. O ye of little faith!



I am not worthy. But Berkeley Springs is. Be there, or be square. Best water on the planet. (Except for Bosnia. And L.A.)


FROM ANNE
PROUD MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS