Thursday, January 04, 2018

President Johnson (Me) on the Thorny Problem of North Korea

My fellow Americans,

Things have gotten so bad in the US of A that I have been asked to take over the helm. I'll be the first to tell you that I'm no expert on anything, domestic or foreign. A good president solicits advice and takes it humbly.

As president I will take suggestions from all kinds of knowledgeable people. In the meantime I'm going to be dignified and thoughtful in all my public pronouncements. I represent the nation, after all, and we don't want the world to see America as a bunch of foul-mouthed, shallow, self-obsessed morons, do we? (even if it's partly true)

One of the pressing questions facing our country right now is, what do we do about North Korea? The government is led by a shallow, self-obsessed moron, and they're dumping stacks and stacks and stacks into nuclear weapons. Worse, they're threatening to drop those weapons on America.

Although I intend to have high-level meetings with some of the finest minds in the country concerning this issue, my gut feeling as an ordinary semi-educated mortal is that the horror of nuclear weapons makes every thoughtful person unwilling to use them.

I will say this right now, pending further input from the experts: As president, I will not use nuclear weapons on North Korea.

The loss of life and devastation of landscape associated with nuclear weapons is unacceptable to me. Not only would we kill thousands of innocent citizens in North Korea, we would send plumes of radiation into neighboring nations. These nations are our trading partners and allies. They don't deserve plumes of radiation.

So my message to the dictator in North Korea is pretty simple. Kim, you will be responsible if you detonate a nuclear weapon over America or some other country. The world will see you as an aggressor and will probably help the US of A to retaliate. Because that's what we will do -- retaliate. We're not going to fire the first shot. So think long and hard about that button on your desk. If you push it, we will come. But we won't come until you push first, because as for me, I don't want that on my conscience.

As to the continued development of your program, even the possibility that you have germ warfare? As president I will push for harsh sanctions against your regime. I know that this is causing terrible hardship in your country -- hardship that is being felt by the innocent citizens there. It is my hope that the range of suffering among the citizenry will eventually lead to your ouster. But that suffering is on your plate, Kim, not mine. Feed your people, not your power.

My fellow Americans, please note that this presidential proclamation is subject to change pending long and thoughtful discussions with experts on international relations. No foolish and impulsive popping off on Twitter! We're going to do this sensibly.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

"Thorny problem" is the understatement of the year alright.

Janie Junebug said...

If you have a Twitter account, please delete it now. That will put you light years ahead of the current administration.


Jono said...

A sane person as president. It has been over a year since we have had that. Thank you!


if we only had someone as smart as you in the white house for real.

mshatch said...

I agree with JackieSue. Gods,how I yearn for some sanity.

Davoh said...

"Worse, they're threatening to drop those weapons on America."

What makes you think that those North Korean "weapons parades" are real? They might be emulating the American Hollywood 'glitz and glamour' facades. The 'townships' in the Movies that are mere ply wood and plaster cast - here today; gone tomorrow.
Seriously Anne; re-building worldwide "trust" will take many generations for those who live in, and on, a different hemisphere.

We know the facts about USA duplicity, w know that America cannot be trusted. Some anecdotes from Australian troops from way back in 1901 and 1944 .. say 'never fight alongside the Americans' - "yer more likely to be killed by them, than the enemy".

The other civilizations on this planet have long memories.

Johnson, how many generations do you have to repair the extremely dim view of USA - the other civilizations have?

Can you really tell me when the "Americans" actually 'won' an overseas war? (Oh WW2 ... really? Sat about, manufacturing armaments for both sides; waiting to see which side would prevail - then happily deal with the Nazi's - UNTIL PEARL HARBOUR. ooops).

Waited, collecting money, watching England and Europe fall on its knees - then, and only then - take sides.

My father died in a RAAF airplane defending the shores of Australia from 1939. Can you not understand why i despise the American Military -- the Pentagon policies???

Davoh said...

oops, OK, re-edit - my father signed up into the RAAF in 1943 - died as crew in an American built B24 - 23rd March 1945.
Perhaps the source of one of my long term angsts.
Two .. three months before Armistice; end of war in the Pacific.

Davoh said...

Anne .. will henceforth have to address you as Anne - especially since one of your Presidents of that name was complicit in the disastrous Vietnam 'war'.
Which is within my adult memory.

Davoh said...

Vietnam. was one year too old for the Australian "birthday ballot".
Was at university at that time. Read up (books, no internet then) on the reasons for that stoush. Had, basically, nothing relevant to America - or Australia. Decided to not "volunteer" for the military in that disaster. Oddly, some of my 'friends' are 'returned veterans' ..
but cannot, and will never, really comprehend their experience and traumas.

Davoh said...

So, Anne .. my first thoughts are that if you really want to be "President" of a nation that have more military 'firepower', capable of destroying every living thing - than anyone else on this planet - methinks you should enlist in your military. Go from grunt to Platoon commander. Understand the difference between NCO's (non commissioned officers) an 'Commissioned officers" those who prance out of colleges with fancy uniforms and theories about war.

Believe me, 'tis the NCO sergeants who rule, when under real fire.

Davoh said...

o, oops; perhaps a bit more background. Yep, did attend a bluestone Protestant College. Grew up on a farm, no brothers or sisters .. learnt how to survive in the bush.
First year at college - boy scouts. Too many badges - - been there, done that.
Second year - College cadets. Learnt how to march in time, in line.
Keep the uniform washed and in good condition.
Second year .. Lance Corporal. Promoted into control of one line in a three line platoon.
Second year ... passed some exams (and was noticed on the rifle range).
Third year. Promoted to Corporal. Sheesh!! Am now in charge of three lines of dingbat students. Erk.
Fourth year - Sergeant (has problems - now i have to negotiate with college military hierarchy) .. Fifth year ...
Promoted to 'Second lieutenant'.
Sort of one of the "Officer" people (but believe me, was almost 'ceremonial' - relied on my sergeant to "keep the troops in line") -- . Was allowed to wear a 'kilt' and 'bonnet' Yer - when i mentioned 'protestant' a Scottish College.
Really loved marching in that kilt.

Davoh said...

Nay, more than that. Proud to be publicly marching in front of a disciplined group. - in Bonnet, kilt, dirk; and spats.

Has been a long time ago, Anne.