Monday, March 10, 2014

Make No Mistake: This Is a Pagan Blog

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we celebrate polytheism with reckless abandon! Oh, snap. Why just stop at polytheism? How about omnitheism? If it's considered a deity by anyone, we'll consider it a deity here!

At least twice a year I get a nice email from some Christian publisher who wants me to review a book on my blog. These books are for Christians, about Christians. Today's book review request was for a tome on the importance of attending church services.

How do these people find me?

Hey, Christian publicist! It's me, Anne Johnson! I'm a Pagan! I may not be the last person you would want reviewing your book, but I'm probably toward the end of the very long line.

Now for the flip side of this aggravating coin.

I do love to review books. I've done some for The Gods Are Bored, ones that I thought would be of interest to my general readership. If you've got a book you would like to have reviewed, and it's about more than one deity, or a female deity, or faeries, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, fling it at me and I'll start hatching the complimentary adjectives forthwith! But write about going to church? Pass.

*Key change.*

Saturday morning early, I had to take Extra Chair to SAT testing. On the road we used, I found a perfectly sound deceased possum. I brought it home, and it's lying in the back yard just begging for a buzzard.

I took no small amount of heat for this lifeless marsupial from the other residents of Chateau Johnson (except for Chair, who just figures all Americans throw dead animals in their gardens). I can't blame them. It's kind of depressing to see the poor lil' possum just lying there with no vulturous attention. I remain hopeful, but gosh. How can I be happy in a world so lightly populated with buzzards? If this were the Eastern Shore of Maryland, I'd have had a flock within two hours. How do I know? I did this experiment there, and a huge possum was reduced to bones in less than half a day.

Where are the Sacred Thunderbirds? Why am I forsaken?


Michele Yamano said...

I welcome you to move to my part of central Florida where buzzards abound! Not a day goes by that I don't see the Sacred Thunderbirds enjoying a roadside feast. Why, one of our own chickens became a buzzard dining pleasure after a raccoon had its fill. Perhaps because it's so cold where you are, the aroma of decay isn't strong enough to call your sacred bird. May the goddesses bring you warmth so that the pungent call of sustenance wafts to the heavens!

Anne Johnson said...

A fine prayer from a fine person. Thank you, Michele! You give me the first compelling reason to move to a more tropical location.

Swift Rabbit said...

I say you skim the book and review it from the pagan perspective! You can start off with why on Gaia do we need a book explaining the importance of church? Us pagans don't need a book explaining the importance of ritual.

Anyone whose pagan and does rituals knows why they are important! Why is church not equally meaningful to Christians? Sounds to me like mass is being done wrong. Perhaps instead of a book about why the laity has to go to religious gathering Christians should write a book with suggestions as to how priests could make mass more meaningful to their congregations. Or perhaps priests could write a book on how to have a deep and fulfilling religious experience at mass? /snark

Sorry, I know I'm bad but I couldn't help it.

Anne Johnson said...

I know I'm bad too, and that's what makes life fun.


I love that I'm the only pagan grandparent great or regular, but I'm always the one picked to pick out biblical or Christian books for the GG's... makes me laugh.