Thursday, August 02, 2012

Our Very Wonderful Well-Regulated Militia

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," fellow soldiers! It's time to protect America!

You see, each and every one of us over the age of 18, with very few exceptions, are members of the well-regulated militia.

You've probably noticed that I write a lot about the First Amendment. In the interest of fairness, it's time to look at the Second Amendment:

"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to bear arms, shall not be infringed."

Here comes the Hun! Where's my gun?

It's not easy being a member of the United States of America well regulated militia. People so easily overlook your role in protecting our free state.

Just this morning, I heard that the mass transit police in Philadelphia apprehended a patriotic militia man on the busiest subway in the city. This soldier was carrying an AK 47 assault rifle and several rounds of ammunition. (His ration kit also included marijuana.) The cheek of those transit cops! Honestly!

My daughter The Heir rides mass transit in Philadelphia, and I am personally offended that a well-regulated militia man was hauled off the train and arrested. No doubt he was there in the first place to protect Heir and the other passengers from the ever-present danger of an enemy in our midst.

You are going to see more of this, readers. Our state security is going to be compromised because our militia members are being arrested, and in some cases denied firearms altogether. I quake, I absolutely quake, for my daughter's safety on the El. Everywhere you look there are Nazis, North Koreans, Viet Cong, and bearded terrorists shouting about Allah! What's the name of that little island in the middle of nowhere that the U.S. invaded back in the 1980s? Slips my mind, but you just know the leaders of that island are out for serious reprisals. (Just remembered: Grenada. Full of enemies.)

As for the arms we can bear, well, I say that whatever we can carry should be bearable. At my very next opportunity, I am going to a gun show in search of a surface-to-air missile. If I am going to be part of the well-regulated militia, I don't want to take any chances with those flocks of geese that pass this way in the fall. Haven't you ever heard of germ warfare?


Debra She Who Seeks said...

No terrorist would dare mess with you, Anne!

Alex Pendragon said...

And as a hunter, I believe it is within my rights to be able to call in an airstrike on any suspected concentrations of deer that might be lurking in a nearby collection of trees. Thanks to carpet bombing, we can fill our freezers with whatever specks of animal protein that might remain, instead of being subjected to having to shop for our food in a socialist supermarket.


I still don't think these 'gun collectors' need to have that many guns..have them ok..but not so they shoot..sigh*

Anonymous said...

What about the "well regulated" part? Doesn't that mean military training?

Grim said...

I realize you're being playful, but if you're interested, there is an answer to that question. Well-regulated means that it is subject to the regulations of Congress (per Article I) and the state government (limited by the authority vested in Congress in Article I). There actually is a Congressional regulation defining the Federal militia, although probably you've never heard of it: US Code Title 10, Paragraph 311. It ends up including all men who are US Citizens and between 17 and 45 years of age, but women only if they actually join the National Guard.

The states are also entitled, under the Second Amendment, to form their own militias if they care to do so. These are separate from the National Guard (which is also a Federal organization, under Title 32). I don't know how things are in the big blue Northeast, but here in Georgia that organization is the Georgia State Defense Force. It is not currently an armed force: regulations prohibit carrying weapons while wearing the uniform.

Chas said...


Sorry, you won't be able to buy a surface-to-air missile, but you could go for a 10-gauge shotgun, if you're up to that. ;)

Anne Johnson said...

Oh, Grim, thank you for explaining that! The shooter in Aurora must have been a member of the Federal Colorado Militia. As for the part about women not being able to carry guns unless they are in the National Guard, well ... what a relief that is to this non-gun-owner! We can arrest lots of female gun owners and confiscate their weapons, thus making our nation somewhat safer.