Holidays

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Today's sermon: holidays.

I just finished Spring Break. This is a holiday that schools didn't have where I grew up. It's kind of weird just to be off school for a whole week, if you don't spend some of that week gussied up in some Methodist sanctuary.

Nothing has changed more in my nascent Cailleach years than my holiday schedule. It's like I cleaned out the holiday closet, got rid of some old ones, and made room for some new, interesting ones that I'd never celebrated before. Keep Christmas. I have the East Coast Vulture Festival. And you can especially keep Easter. At least as it's celebrated in our culture. Give me a rousing Fairie Festival with a Maypole and music, and I'll be all smiles!

We all have a personal holiday every year -- our birthdays. But you can build your own holiday any time. Some people go to great lengths for the perfect vacation. That's too wearisome for me. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, and it's a gorgeous day outside, and I don't have to go to work, I just declare the day "International Anne Johnson Day." It's that simple! Who's going to argue with me? Is Lisa Jones going to say, "No, wait, Anne. Today is International Lisa Jones Day?"

The next time you need a holiday, don't count the days on your calendar until the next public event. Go to the bakery, buy yourself a cake, sit on the porch and eat it, and tell everyone that it's International (Your Name Here) Day!

You're going to tell me that many calendars, including Wiccan ones, have holy days, etc. already published on them. Ah, forget the fine print! Have a holiday any time!

Here's another fabulous piece of free advice from your first source on the Web for free advice: Have an anti-holiday.

Anti-holidays work like this. You wait until a day or two after a big holiday. Let's say Easter, because it just passed. Then you go to the store, buy a whole bunch of Easter stuff at pennies on the dollar, and go home and have Easter. That delicious-looking Easter cake that cost $13.00 on Sunday morning suddenly will set you back a mere $3.00 on Monday. The candy is a good deal too.

This practice works for most holidays in the spring, but it's getting harder to do at Halloween. Last fall the clock had barely chimed on November 1 before all things skeletal were swept from the stores in favor of the Almighty Ho Ho Ho. Yes, I'm afraid anti-holidays are easier to celebrate this time of year.

Speaking of holidays, there's a big, official one coming up here at "The Gods Are Bored" this week.

My daughter The Spare will be turning sixteen. *weeps*

Her real birthday is during the week. We're celebrating on the weekend. With bargain Peeps I got in the after-Easter candy sales. The smart holiday planner always knows how to work these things.