Monday, September 21, 2009

Shoe Fits!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," hosted by a snarky bluegrass-loving Pagan with blue views and no money to pay her D.A.R. dues! I'm your hostess, Anne Johnson. I'm named after a princess.

It's been awhile since we at "The Gods Are Bored" issued a manifesto. Some of you will be as bored as the gods, but from time to time I get a new set of eyes. So, today, no surprise.

Here at "The Gods Are Bored" we believe that human beings are not the greatest blobs of matter in the universe. We're a flawed species. We even endow our deities with our flaws. As if. Faeries may be bratty (oh yeah), but what do we know about the divine? Like, why would a god be jealous? We don't tolerate that in humans.

The unseen is all around us, draped in a veil. How we penetrate that veil is a matter of culture, of nurture, of personal gift, and/or of careful training. Or, you can just drop some shrooms and skip from Step One to Step Ten with nothing much in between.

All frivolity aside, the mission of this crazy mess here at "The Gods Are Bored" is to nourish a healthy respect for all deities both modern and ancient, and all cultures who have deities of their own -- even if those deities are endowed with some of the most despicable characteristics known to humankind.

Who am I to tell you that your praise and worship team is going to fry for eternity? Pish tosh. How silly. Eternal torment is the most cruel and unusual punishment imaginable and therefore is not likely to be a favorite device of a deity system, no matter what some books would have you believe.

So. Our philosophy is simple. Flying Spaghetti Monster? Ramen! New, old, or in between, we dig our deities. So many good ones are sitting around bored, unable to find praise and worship teams. That's a waste of great divinity. Fatted calf one millennium, page 125 of Ancient Myths and Legends of the Canary Islands the next? Hardly fair. If you've lost a job or been downsized, you know what I mean.

Well jeez Louise. If we're going to endow deities with human traits, surely boredom would be among them. Drink a toast to the Ancient Ones. Yours and everyone else's.

Our operators are standing by to take your call.


Bella Foxglove said...


LOL this post had me cracking up, and I loved it!

I now have the mental image of long forgotten deities hanging out around a huge house, drumming their fingers and sighing, and furiously flipping the pages of a magazine they have not read one word from in boredom lol..


well, of course they get in the hell do you think we got here...?
bored Gods/Goddess's..."I know...lets build our own little peoples.."

THE Michael said...

The sad truth of the matter, as I, THE Michael, see it, is that we are SO insignificant when it comes to things for dieties to notice existing in the vast universe that it's not even funny. Our concerns are not even on the radar of the greater scheme of things, so great are these galactic schemes. So, amounting to something about the size of a gnat on the scale of space and time, I think it's high time to stop taking ourselves so seriously and start considering that we'd best be enjoying the hell out of what we have while we have it because it is INDEED a miracle that we even have it to begin with, considering the laws of physics and what's out there just dying to swat us!

kimc said...

Really? I thought we were the Gods' soap opera.