Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," wired for wacky weirdness since 2005! We've got unpasteurized apple cider and fresh cider doughnuts -- eat your fill, it's Halloween!
The night before last, just as the Johnson family was tucking into its Hungry Man Dinners, the doorbell rang.
I leaped up. "Oh, maybe it's the Mormons!"
(We are still waiting for the Mormon missionaries, having seen them working a neighboring street. Must say they're not a bit like those Energizer Bunny Seventh-Day Adventist ladies, who you can set your clock by month after month.)
Mr. Johnson also leaped. "I'll answer the door," he said pointedly. (I guess after 23 years of marriage he knows his spouse's small peculiarities.)
"It must be burglars!" The Heir predicted. She's a mite skittish.
Mr. Johnson went to the door. It was not Mormons or burglars, but a gaggle of giggling little girls, chaperoned by affable dads. The giggling girls handed Mr. Johnson a bagful of treats and informed him he'd been "booed." They ran away laughing.
This is a new wrinkle on a very, very old tradition. And we at "The Gods Are Bored" just dearly do love tweaking traditions! That way the traditions don't get stale, and rote, and boring, and the same every year, year after year. Like for instance, how many times can you light a little candle in a big church and sing "Silent Night" on Christmas without saying to yourself, "Been there, done that. Like, 40 times."
But I digress. Mr. Johnson bought a bag of candy and Juicy Juices back to the table. Inside were the instructions. We had been "booed" by Halloween ghosts. Now it was our turn to boo. The instructions told us to fill three bags with treats, add copies of the instructions, a little picture of a "boo" ghost, and take them to the houses of three friends. These friends, having been "booed," would have to "boo" three more friends each.
Once you've been "booed," you get a picture of a friendly ghost to hang on your door, so everyone knows you've already been "booed" and they don't "boo" you again.
The Johnson gals were keen to get right on this. Not only did it mean having to go out and buy Halloween candy, but it also meant sneaky deliveries to dear friends. We actually found one of The Heir's best friends walking in front of her house -- so we shoved the goodies into her startled hands, shouted "BOOOOOOO!" and ran.
What a fun new game! We at "The Gods Are Bored" shun all things that smack of chain letters, but we made an exception here. Clearly a fun time was had by all. The giggling girls were having a blast. Anne and Heir and Spare had a blast. Heir and Spare's friends got goodies at the very least ... and a good laugh. And laughing is what we're all about here at "The Gods Are Bored!"
The fun kid stuff attached to all holidays exists because life is bloody difficult, and these little diversions help take your mind off it for awhile. Also, you want your children to enjoy some innocent revels that they can store in their memory banks to help get them through the rougher spots in life.
So, to those out there who say to their kids, "Halloween is a Pagan festival, no trick-or-treating for you," I say: "BOOOOOO!"
And the poor sweet tots, denied an all-time kid-favorite holiday, say to themselves, "My parents suck." Or something of that sort.
If you have read this, consider yourself "booed!" Today you have to eat one serving of the candy of your choice! Be sure not to spill any on your upholstery. Pesky chocolate stains can be hard to remove from fabric.