Thursday, April 14, 2005

The Gods are Bored!

This minimalist rant by a busy, overworked suburban mom, will take aim at none other than the Big Guy. You know the one. Calls himself Lord God Almighty. Has some powerful friends here on earth, like the pope and Osama Bin Laden. Well, Big Guy, some of us have had enough, and we're not gonna take it anymore. ENOUGH cretins with placards standing out in front of family planning clinics while thousands of children starve to death in Africa. ENOUGH treating gay people like ants at a picnic, just because some ancient book says they're evil. ENOUGH trying to undo the intelligent rift between church and state that our forefathers (fresh from religious persecution) had the insight to enact.

Time to give the Big Guy some much-needed competition in the deity ranks. Hold Him accountable the same way you would a C.E.O. who takes a hefty buyout and jets off to his private island while his 11,000 employees get laid off.

God, you have some explaining to do.

I can hear the "righteous" shivering for me already. Oh, this lady's goin' to hell! Well, to quote Mark Twain, what do we really know about the devil? We have only the evidence for the prosecution. Maybe he had some legit gripes he wanted to air and got the shaft in the interest of corporate harmony. Here at "The Gods are Bored" we fully intend to give the devil his due. And that doesn't mean cutting up kittens at midnight in a pentagram. I like kittens. They're cute. I don't like lyme ticks. I wonder why God created them.

In terms of my immortal soul, what concerns me is that I'm violating the first rule of my own religion, which is not to write anything down. Yeah, folks, at the time of J.C., way back when, there was a vibrant religion with priests, churches, hymns, tenets, and all that fun stuff -- all transmitted orally. And that vibrant religion is still strutting its stuff and finding followers, right here in the good ol' USA, right in the Almighty's finest hour.

Most of the Gods in that religion (there are more than the Christian 3-in-1) have been lost to the ages. They're sitting around in their heaven (it's quite colorful, none of those dull white angels), just watching with dismay as the Big Man runs things from his domain. Here we'll invite them to speak, encourage their product tie-ins, and perhaps introduce a sane approach to managing this rock we're all clinging to.

Calling all bored Gods! Come on down. The Big Guy's had the floor too long. And sad to say, most of his followers couldn't pick him out of a lineup.

Excuse me, but I have to go to work now. Hey, I'm lucky to have a job.

Oh yeah. That product tie-in. Go see "Finding Neverland," starring Jonny Depp. For starters.