Friday, July 01, 2022

Johnsonia's Response to Recent News from the USA

 Whew! I almost let the charter for the Independent Republic of Johnsonia expire, but hooray! I didn't! My little plot of land is still a sovereign nation, governed by me, The Grand Wazoo, Anne Johnson.

Since Johnsonia is surrounded on all sides by the United States of America, the laws of that nation directly affect our little country. Therefore it's necessary to issue some policy statements in order to clarify Johnsonia's ongoing diplomatic responses to U.S. decision-making.

POLICY DIRECTIVE 1: Johnsonia hereby declares that all U.S. or U.S. state laws governing bodily autonomy will be disregarded and unenforceable on our soil. Our Constitution may be written on the flyleaf of a Carl Hiaasen novel, but it's still serious business. And it supports bodily autonomy.

POLICY DIRECTIVE 2: Christians are tepidly welcome, but not favored. Religion is a matter of conscience, not law. No public rites will be allowed.

POLICY DIRECTIVE 3: In light of the worst Supreme Court decision of all -- the one that strips the EPA of its regulatory power over fossil fuel interests -- fully half of Johnsonia will now be a No-Mow-Zone. Already, parts of our homeland are so dense with milkweed and jewelweed that one can't move through it. This will continue and expand. Further, thanks to our access to a hand-cranked composter, it is now illegal to dispose of biodegradable scraps by throwing them into the trash. All food matter will be composted.

POLICY DIRECTIVE 4: Immigration will still be extremely limited in Johnsonia, but our tourism industry will expand as needed. Feel free to drop by and look at the native plant garden!

One last thing, in case you're wondering. Johnsonia does not recognize the Fourth of July as a holiday within our borders. We celebrate Johnsonia Day on January 1. So keep your damn noisy fireworks and your smelly hot dogs off our land. America is a terrible neighbor, and only getting worse.


pam nash said...

So how does someone wishing to move to Johnsonia get on the immigration list? I like your directives much better than those in the US.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

"America is a terrible neighbor, and only getting worse." Hey, you don't need to tell us Canadians twice!

Anonymous said...

We’re sorry, but projections of higher tourism currently preclude any immigration. We don’t have sufficient job openings. Additionally, the cost of living is high here due to excessive tributes expected from the USA. —AJ

yellowdoggranny said...

I'm moving there.