Wednesday, June 20, 2018

An Open Call to Ancient Goddesses -- Experience Required, Full Time +

HELP WANTED -- START IMMEDIATELY

Position(s) open for Ancient Goddesses with specialty in maternal nurture.

Duties: Creating miracles for suffering mothers, fathers, and children in a morally bankrupt nation run by barbarians. Effectively blocking considerable negative power structure, most persistently against an evil ruler and his minions. Imparting peace and safety to the poorest and most disenfranchised citizens of said barbarous nation.

Hours: Full time, with considerable overtime a distinct possibility. Must be willing to work weekends and late nights. Must be willing to devote entire energy to this blighted country without any expectation of spiritual reward.

Compensation: Candles lit for you nightly by one pathetic little worshiper who has faith in next to nothing and who cannot remember a darker time in her entire life, including but not limited to the 1960s.

Benefits: Two-week vacation (if no calamity intervenes), health care with a limited primary care provider in network, and the aforementioned candles.

Experience required: 500-1000 years prior deity service to a praise and worship team consisting of Homo sapiens sapiens. No known connection to any pantheon of historical record (assuring your complete focus on this position). References, in the form of ancient archaeological artifacts, required.

Apply on Summer Solstice to Anne Johnson, as she is weeping for the pain of others and feels helpless and inept.

Equal Opportunity Employer.

5 comments:

Janie Junebug said...

I wish I were qualified. This country is miserable because its president has no heart.

Love,
Janie

anne marie in philly said...

I will assume you are finished school for the summer.

this country fucking sux.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

This is brilliant writing, Anne! Love it. And I hope you get lots of applicants.

Ol'Buzzard said...

You can always tell school personnel at the end of school year.
Breathe
Relax
You deserve it
the Ol'Buzzard

JACKIESUE said...

I'd nominate my goddess but her motto is if you can't lay em slay em..