Saturday, November 11, 2017

Interview with a Bored Goddess: Cloacina

All Hail, and welcome to The Gods Are Bored! We're now in our 12th year, and up to 202 followers! In a nation of 325 million people, we're standing tall at the rock bottom of the heap.

But la di dah, we believe in the Divine and all goodness! And just between us ... have you seen the headlines on the busy God's followers these days? How low can they go? Disgraceful. No better time than the present to bliss out with a loving Goddess who wants you to have a healthy lifestyle and plenty of clean, clear water! Please give a warm, wonderful, Gods Are Bored welcome to Cloacina, Goddess of Sanitation Management!

Anne: Look, Cloacina, I painted the powder room! I know it's your favorite room in the whole house. What do you think of it now?

Cloacina: It's beautiful! I do wish you would put a mosaic tile on the floor, though.

Anne: Can't live like a Caesar on the salary of a peasant, dear Goddess.

Cloacina: What was that object you pulled out of the water throne while the top was off?

Anne: (aside) Isn't it cute? She calls the toilet a "water throne!" (to Cloacina) Funny you should ask. It was a paperweight from the Ronald Reagan Library, sent to Mr. J more than a decade ago by a clueless friend in California. I put it in the water throne, feeling it deserved to be there.

Cloacina: Who was this "Ronald Reagan?"

Anne: A Caesar. I thought he was the worst. Little did I know.

Cloacina: If this was a bad Caesar, why take out the paperweight?

Anne: Well, it had gotten a bit calcified after all that time. Besides, I need to make room in the water throne for something that deserves to be in there even more.

Cloacina: What could that possibly be?


I found it in a strip club parking lot last week!

Cloacina: Anne, you might want to think twice about this. An item like this might clog the water throne, and then the dear thing won't work.

Anne: No worries, Goddess. This hat is cheaply manufactured by over-extended, poverty-stricken workers. It will fade on the first flush and dissolve within a week. Which hopefully will become a metaphor for the Caesar who is selling it.

Cloacina: Oh well, you needn't worry! I have learned all about your water thrones and the piping in your house, and I will keep everything flowing brilliantly!

Anne: Thus saving me plumbing bills ... O Great and Mighty Goddess!!!

Cloacina: I hope you don't mind if I'm late for dinner. All that wind yesterday brought down a lot of leaves. There are storm drains to be seen to.

Anne: And you are just the Goddess for the task! Work Your magic, Cloacina! It is an honor beyond measure, having You in my household. Blessed be.


anne marie in philly said...

hey, you are doing better than I am; I have only 56 followers.

and just WHAT were you doing at a strip club, missy?

Anne Johnson said...

I was in the parking lot!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I trust you were just passing through that strip club parking lot on your way to, say, the health food store.

Jono said...

It's always good to have a goddess on your side. I didn't realize I wasn't following, so now you are up to 203. That would be successful in my world.


I'm not even going to ask what you were doing in the parking lot of a strip club..

Davoh said...

O Anne ... um, there are sensible people in the Southern Hemisphere of this planet. Take heart, be strong. 'Democracy' is alive and well; and living in Australia.
(to sort of paraphrase a stage play; then film - about Jaques Brel - alive and well - living in Paris - but you'd have to look all that up ... heh.

Davoh said...

Believe me - the small patch of this planet,situated between Mexico and Canada - does not RULE the other MAJORITY of peoples on this planet.

Davoh said...

er, probably a bit late in this conversation ... but many people in Australia commented that the dingbat (or whoever writes his scripts) can't spell.
Should have read "Make America Grate Again" ... meh.

e said...

Cloacina deserves a lot more adulation than she receives. I think an altar in my half bath is in order!