Friday, May 19, 2017

Isolation

La dee dah, another evening at home, watching MSNBC even though I can't stand those smug preppy hosts. The empty nest encompasses me like a desert. I have few friends, and they are far-flung. These days I have no social life at all.

"Anne!" you say. "You're such a lively, spunky old thing! Why are you sitting around? You've got 50 colleagues at your school, and you live in a walking community full of educated people!"
The simple answer to this is twofold: I don't drink, and I'm tired at the end of the day.

There are a lot of swell folks where I work. Many Friday afternoons, they go out to happy hour. There's nothing stopping me from accompanying them except for the fact that I'm a recovering alcoholic. Being a recovering alcoholic in a bar is like being a diabetic in a candy shop. You can resist the urge, but the effort makes you miserable.

Fatigue is the real killer. I get to work at 7:00 in the morning and return around 3:45, if I don't have any errands to run. By 7:30 I'm nodding. By 10:00 I'm asleep. I used to go to a drum circle, but half the time I bagged it because I was too tired to go. Now I don't even try.

You want to hear something weird? When I'm actually with people and socializing, I'm awkward. It's like I've lost the talent for conversation. I used to be the life of the party (probably because booze was the fuel), but sobriety has brought me shyness and isolation.

These thoughts are occasioned by the rites surrounding the services for my dear mother-in-law. Her funeral is tomorrow, and the reception afterwards promises to be chock-a-block with guzzlers. This would be a time I would love, getting together with my husband's family (who have always been very kind to me), but the thought that everyone -- including my daughters -- will be imbibing just makes me sad. I expect I'll find a quiet chair somewhere by myself and take a nap.

The moral of this sermon is, can someone suggest a few diverting dramas I can watch on Netflix or online? Rachel Maddow gets on my last nerve.

16 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I know what you mean about fatigue, Anne. Man, when I was in my 30s I could work all day and be out all evening doing stuff in the community. Then by my 40s, I had to keep my evening energy for my own life needs. Then in my 50s, I was exhausted by the end of the work day and the evenings I could only spend doing quiet things like watching TV or blogging. Now I'm 60 and find myself nodding off at work after lunch. When did we get so old?????

Two good series on Netflix that we really enjoy are "House of Cards" and "Orange is the New Black" if you haven't seen them already.

Harry Hamid said...

But Rachel Maddow is just bout to get around to telling you what she's going to tell you after the next commercial break. OK, not the next one. The next one after the next one. Or after the one after that.

Incidentally, I understand what you mean. At times, I whine about not having a social life, but if the phone rings when I get home from work, I am generally irritated.

Janie Junebug said...

I work at home and I'm still tired. I like Happy Valley on Netflix. It's very dark. 13 Reasons Why is controversial and might be something your students watch. I've only seen the first episode.

Love,
Janie

anne marie in philly said...

can you carry around a glass of sparkling cider? I cannot offer viewing selections as I never watch tv.

Davoh said...

Am, obviously, half a planet away ...so can wryly chortle about the current shenanigans in 1600 Pensiwhatsis Avenue.

Davoh said...

PS ... we do get your PBS Newshour (and Al Jazeera in English)over here ... heh.

Davoh said...

'diverting dramas' Um .. have a DVD of a movie with the title "Electra" .. might be interesting for a female with interest in ancient (updated) history as well as clever CGI. Also "Hidalgo" .. but that is a sort 'male' thingo about 'endurance' (the stars of this one are the horses).
Um, while thinking about horses .. "War Horse" .. have no idea how they trained that (or those) horses ... yet another 'tear jerker' (um, for me, at least .. stories of endurance under extreme circumstance ..)

Davoh said...

PS .. i did have the opportunity to listen to an interview on radio with the (female) trainer of the 'star' horse in that movie. There is also a 'stage' performance of that Story pottering around this planet. If you get a chance to see it .......

Davoh said...

O, forgot to mention .. 'Hidalgo' and 'War Horse' are based on "real" events.

Davoh said...

Ooops, when i put "real" in quotes ... also mean 'verifiable' stories of history. They might be 'updated' a bit with CGI ... meh.

Davoh said...

Um, sorry to bother you again ... but apparently Google/blogger does have an algorithm that watches multiple comments. While yep, i know what a 'gas station' is ... over here they're known as 'service' or 'petrol', or 'fillup' .... stations ... meh.

Davoh said...

A note on the word 'gas'. Over here we have two acronyms. LPG and LNG.
LPG is 'liquefied petroleum gas' and LNG is 'liquified NATURAL gas' .. stuff that comes out of the ground ... While yep, we have plenty of 'natural' gas fields ... and quite few people are driving motor vehicles either built for, or converted to, LNG ... our 'very clever Federal politicians' are happily allowing MultiNational Corporations to EXPORT the stuff ... and local businesses are having to BUY IT BACK at extortionate prices ,,, go figure ...

e said...

Anne, I feel you on the fatigue thing! I was nodding off at my desk on Friday after lunch. Oh, how the afternoon stretched out. Ugh.

Netflix: because I am quite the Pollyanna in real life, I don't love drama even on tv. My two favorite Netflix shows are The Great British Baking Show (where the contestants are nice to each other and even help each other out) and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (which is charmingly inane). I have watched Orange/Black but it's a little on the dramatic side for me - plus they killed off my favorite character so I'm done. Hope you find something you like!

JACKIESUE said...

naps..naps are so important..and when you do have some energy and nothing to do? volunteer at the library or nursing home or meals on wheels..

Terraluna said...

If you loved reading A Series of Unfortunate Events with your girls when we were all younger,the Netflix series is very nicely done.

Debi said...

You are not alone in this , on all counts. Turning 65 on Sunday and not having it! Hahahahaha ....I found Wid Oates on Netflix to make me laugh
Discontent really drains my getup & go! xo🙋❤️🇨🇦