Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Frank Talk on Shopping for Folding Chairs

This is "The Gods Are Bored," and this is a public service announcement:

If you go to a nude beach, don't sit on someone else's chair.

Free advice! I'll pay you dearly to take it.

Two weeks ago, at the nude beach, a very vile human unfolded my beach chair and deposited his man-parts on it without asking or even looking around to see who might own the chair.

After that I wouldn't take the thing home, partly because it was gross, and partly because the particular person who used it is particularly loathsome. (In a fair and stable world, I would have taken it home and scrubbed it. But not after THAT guy.)

Anyway, the loss of a perfectly good folding chair led me on a quest to find a new one. Have you done this sort of shopping lately, reader? I couldn't believe my eyes.

EXHIBIT A: SIMPLE BEACH CHAIR

I know you won't believe me (and maybe it's still season), but the item above costs $40, no matter where you shop. I wouldn't stoop to Wal-Mart, but all the other stores were pretty consistent in their pricing. Since the chair I was trying to replace had been given to me, I hated like Hell to think of spending $40.

So I went to the camping store.


EXHIBIT B: RIDICULOUS FANCY CHAIR

This is what passes for a camping chair these days. Lord love a fruit fly! A cup holder? Are you kidding me? And some of them have little zipper pouches to put your valuables in. Very handy! The thief will know where to look first! If the simple beach chairs were expensive, these were even more so. And they're kind of heavy. At least to my spindly arms.

You know what I've discovered in the prime of life? (Wait for it -- more free advice!)

The best place to look for affordable, traditional merchandise is a mom-and-pop hardware store.

Thank goodness there's still one of those near me! Home Depot has just about decimated the species.

So I went to the mom-and-pop hardware store, and lo and behold:

EXHIBIT C: WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED


This is exactly what I wanted! A good, old-fashioned mesh folding chair. Not so great for the environment, but neither are the other ones. And this unit set me back ... yep ... twenty bucks! I can lift it, and in my experience these puppies last a good long while if you don't leave them out in the weather during the winter.

All that remains for me to do at this point is to make a sweet little sign that says:

ATTENTION
DO NOT SIT ON THIS CHAIR
UNLESS YOUR NAME IS ANNE JOHNSON

At least this narrows it down some.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you found the right chair! We try to support the local hardware store too.

Dora Christensen said...

I have encountered the same problem this year as my chair had become quite disheveled. I was in dire need of a new one, and much to my surprise, I found the costs to be astonishing. I did not need all the "bells and whistles", much like you had described in your experience. I finally found a replacement at a local family-owned store for a reasonable price.

Dora Christensen @ Fritz Chair

Selina Dorsey said...

Ares 4-Pack Folding Chairs from Bizarkdeal

I wanted a good set of chairs to use when we have company. We seem to have a lot of tables but no chairs to use when we have company. I wanted a set of chairs that would not take up too much room, stacked well together and were lite weight. I found these chairs on Amazon and did some comparisons to the leading chair on the market. They were very close in comparison except nearly half the cost. I am a fairly good size man, and when I sat in the chairs I did not feel that it was not going to hold me for my size. It formed to my posture keeping me upright and comfortable. The tubing is steel with rivets at all the points of motion. The seat and back are made of what looks like a strong plastic and are held in with numerous Philips screws, flush fit. This is nice if ever I want to remove them for cleaning or possible replacement. I believe these chairs will last me for years to come and were a perfect fit for my needs. Thanks.