Brave New Baby Wolverine
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored" at the height of hurricane season. Please remember that you can minimize hurricane damage to your home and loved ones by leaving a suitable offering to the bored god Hurrican, sacred to the Aztec peoples. It can't make matters worse, right Jed?
My daughter The Heir is inordinantly fond of a novel by Aldous Huxley called Brave New World. You might recall it from your high school years. In the book, people are fed recorded messages while they sleep, so that when they wake up they're brainwashed.
Babies and young children are susceptible to suggestion via television. Witness all the tiny little girls who want to dress up exactly like Cinderella. They're not getting their cues from the Brothers Grimm. They're watching Disney. Over and over and over.
I count myself an avid fan of the University of Michigan Wolverines. I didn't attend Michigan, but I lived near Ann Arbor for awhile. While there I developed the "Go Blue" disease. It's never left me. It made me wonder what they put in the water there.
I think about this while pondering a new line of DVDs targeting children aged zero through five. The company creating them is called Team Baby Entertainment. The idea is to introduce your tender tot to your favorite sports team and get them all riled up about it. Here's a sample.
Right now Team Baby Entertainment is concentrating on college football, but they also plan to do pro teams in various sports.
Do you find this just a little creepy? At best it creates a rampant consumer demand amongst the rugrat set for licensed team apparel, which ain't cheap. At worst it sets your kid up for a smackdown when they live and breathe Michigan blue, and they don't get accepted to the college. What happens to Baby Wolverine when he grows up and only gets accepted to, say, Hillsdale?
And what's your kid doing watching this brainrot anyway? I'll have you know, my daughters The Heir and The Spare never spent their time in front of DVDs. Gosh, one morning when she was about eight months old, The Spare amused herself for 30 minutes with a bottle of Log Cabin Syrup that she found on the bottom shelf in the pantry. It was only when she got it in her eyes that trouble began. That stuff'll glue your eyelashes shut. Did you know that?
So, we at "The Gods Are Bored" recommend avoiding Baby Wolverine and Baby Nittany Lion. Except if your kid is going to grow up to quarterback one of those teams.
Labels: michigan wolverines