Friday, December 02, 2011

Mercury, That Bastard

Welcome to "Some Gods Should Be More Bored Than They Are!" My name is Anne Johnson (really), and I've had a Retrograde Week so abysmal in its retrogradeness that I'd like to assign Mercury to the retro-bottom-dollar thrift store!

You know Anne's having a bad week when she doesn't blog. Blast you, Mercury! Poisonous hazardous deity!

MY MERCURY RETROGRADE WEEK, by Anne Johnson

*Formal teacher observation, SO ... the bulb in my overhead viewer burst with a resounding POP! It gets better. The warning label on the side of the machine said, "Bulb contains Mercury. Handle with caution. Hazardous Waste."

*Well-planned lesson for formal teacher observation, SO ... observer calls at the last minute and cancels. Students nail the lesson. Overhead viewer had been fixed JUST in time.

*Observer comes the next day, same time. SO ... Same students don't have the foggiest notion of what I'm trying to teach them, so they decide to chat about the Eagles and stroll around the room.

*Chosen to attend literacy workshop at Kean University. More than 70 miles up the NJ Turnpike. Didn't take GPS. Forgot cell phone. SO ... Got lost in Elizabeth. At 7:30 in the morning. Made it to the conference in the nick of time. Name not on the list of invitees.

*Master's degree class professor tells the class that all the assignments we'd turned in previously (aced by self) don't mean diddly. SO ... Suddenly, the most important one is the one we haven't done, which I have no idea how to do because she didn't show us how she wanted it done. (This is freakin CLASSIC Mercury Retrograde, folks.)

*Spare mistakenly took some change from the grocery store thingy that belonged to the customer behind us in line. When Spare offered to give it back, the woman declined. Spare asked again. Still a decline. Then, when Spare did not dump it in the Salvation Army bucket outside the store, the crazy woman yelled at her all the way across the parking lot. Called her a thief! Said she could at least have given it to the Salvation Army! (Note to TGAB subscribers. Anne does not give a dime to the Salvation Army. No one should have to believe in Jesus to get a turkey dinner.) Damn Mercury! Usually I would have been up to this challenge to my daughter's moral character, but I'd just driven 130 miles on the New Jersey Turnpike and gotten lost in Elizabeth, and had to finagle my way into a conference! Too tired to give chase and fight back.

*Decibel the Parrot got moved into this room over Thanksgiving holiday and is still here. Living up to his name. Send money for hearing aids.

*So far as I know, the buzzards have not returned to Wenonah yet.

There are other mitigating factors, all dumped on me by that flighty deity, but keeping to the basics. One more:

*Discovered that Sis "bought" her new children from a Christian puppy mill that is not state-sanctioned! Ergo, she's freakin RETURNING one who is DANGEROUSLY FUCKED UP, while KEEPING his brother!

Bite. Me. Mercury.

Oh, wait. You already have.


9 comments:

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

ah...some day you'll look back on this and laugh

greekwitch said...

Well, since mercury turned retrograde, i fell in the bathroom and made worse my already broken thump. Got sting by nettles in one of my pots. Lost my wedding ring in the gym! The insurance company of my car send me a bill saying i have n't paid them. COuld n't find the receipt. Thank Goddess they remembered me personally. And i just came down with the cold.
I can't wait for the eclipse!

kimc said...

We just had $300 worth of new still-in-the-box tools stolen from the trunk of the car -- in the carport.
And half the toffee disappeared.

Hermit Witch said...

And I thought my week was bad! I hope things look up for you soon. (You did make me smile though)

Anonymous said...

Beware of the gods

Anne Johnson said...

Anon, which Gods should I beware of? Just out of curiosity.

Davoh said...

um, forgive me - methinks that 'Anon' ; f\=oll arrd ME.

Will attempt to either dissuade him - or fuck 'im off.

Davoh said...

.. buut, while we're at it - Mercury - sweet messenger - depends on viewpoints, i guess ....

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Mercury must keep a shit list for retrograde periods. Sorry you made it.