Having Faith in Delaware

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," on this, the 257th wedding anniversary of Mr. and Mrs. Anne Johnson! I think we've beaten the curve.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" will be away until next Wednesday, so today's post is going to be in pieces. You can read one piece each day, and then you won't even miss us!

Piece #1 Ruffled Nerves at Team Baby

Priceless comment on my post about the baby team DVDs. Ah, the power of the Internet! The company spokesman took me to task for offering my opinion of the product before thoroughly reviewing it. He even offered to send me a free copy of Baby Nittany Lion.

He did make a good point. the Baby Team videos are meant as a family bonding tool, centered on a shared love -- in this case a team franchise. And I can fully understand that. Why, in my day we used to load the family in the car and go see the Baltimore Orioles. What fun! Except that nowadays a normal family of four can't afford to go to an Orioles game unless they eat Spam every night for two weeks.

College football is no different. Check out those ticket prices on Ebay. Therefore, we at "The Gods Are Bored" endorse the team baby DVDs as a financially sensible alternative to attending a sporting event.

Piece #2 High School Reunions

Whenever I hear someone say, "Oh, I just luuuuuvvvvvved high school!" I know to bid a hasty good-day and cross the street. Everyone hates high school except the guy who becomes quarterback for the Michigan Wolverines and the girl who goes on to become a Broadway sensation.

Having said that, I'll admit that I'm going home to my high school class reunion. I think I've only missed one in XXXXX number of years.

I go to them because I grew up in a small town and went to school with the same people from kindergarten to cap-and-gown. Many of my classmates have stayed in the local area (a wise investment, it turns out). When my dad was dying, it was high school chums who opened their houses and plied me with comfortable beds and good wines. I view class reunions as a chance to chat with all these buds at once. Which reminds me, I have to go up into the crawlspace and find an ugly picture of myself from high school. The hardest part of that will be getting into the crawlspace!

Finally, it's time for today's sermon!

Piece #3: Having Faith in Delaware

When I was living in Michigan, I had a co-worker named Bryan. Bryan did not believe in Delaware. He said he'd never met anyone from Delaware, he'd never seen anything on the news about Delaware, and any map of the U.S. of sensible size hardly even showed a dot where Delaware should be. Ergo, Delaware did not exist.

When I told him I'd actually been to Delaware, that I'd visited its beaches and ate barbecued chicken at its Lions Club roadside stands, he was flabbergasted. He couldn't believe he'd actually met someone who had truly experienced Delaware.

I thought of this last night as I drove the 15 miles of I-95 that passes through ... you guessed it ... Delaware. Let's examine this for a moment.

Amongst America's enormous population, there's a teeny tiny percentage who were born in Delaware, went to high school and college in Delaware, and now work in Wilmington and drive home every day to their boxy suburban rancher in Odessa, when they aren't vacationing at Rehoboth Beach. We are talking a mini-mini-mini fraction here. However, these people can be counted on to believe in Delaware, to have had deep and authentic Delaware experiences, and to be engaged in Delaware on a day to day basis.

Since Delaware lies on the East Coast of the U.S. and allows the omnipotent I-95 to pass through it (heavily tolled for a wee 15 miles), many many more Americans believe in Delaware because they've seen it while passing through. You can't miss the sign that says, "Welcome to Delaware, You'd Better Drive 55 Or You'll Get a Whopper of a Ticket." And they mean it too. I know. So we should call these folks who've had a passing glance at Delaware the "seeing is believing" portion of the population.

What about the rest of America? And, for that matter, the world? Why should people who've never seen the state line actually believe in Delaware? Why, they believe it because they read about it in books. They see it on their maps. Except for the few rogue Bryans out there, everyone has faith that there is such a thing as Delaware.

What the heck does this have to do with bored gods? Oh damn, now you're asking me to think! Well, it's like this. All religions consist of a handful of people who have a deep, personal, daily and continuous experience of their deity or deities. Then there are many, many more who have had passing ethereal experiences of the d or ds, perhaps not lasting long, but memorable nonetheless. Then there are countless gazillions of people who just believe it because the books say it's so, and everyone else believes it, so it must be true. It's called having faith in the unseen.

Brothers and sisters, I have been to Delaware! I can tell you truly, it's there! And it's a great place, lots and lots of vultures! And traffic cops. But hey. Faith in anything is going to make you have to deal with something you don't like.

If you would like to learn more about Delaware, our operators are standing by to take your call.

See you next week. And the week after that. And the week after that. So help me, Delaware.