But soft! There's someone at the door! Oh. My. Goodness. I wish this God was more welcome here than he is. All the same, let's give a warm, wonderful "Gods Are Bored" welcome to Dionysus, God of boozy parties!
Dionysus: Anne, baby! Spring Break! It's time to partayyy!
Anne: Don't you remember, Dion? I packed it in. I don't drink anymore. I just went to a wedding last weekend, and I didn't even have a glass of champagne.
Dionysus: And you wonder why you're so unhappy? I've got about 10 picker-uppers that will light your fire.
Anne: Nah, bro, I've been off the sauce for five years now. Mostly I don't miss it.
Dionysus: Don't expect me to nominate you for a position as a nymph or a dryad, or any of that! Grapes are good. Especially fermented.
Anne: Stop! You're not cheering me up! You're making it worse!
Dionysus: Well, if you're not jonesing for some vino, why else would you be depressed?
Anne: Do you want the whole list, or just the top ten?
Dionysus: Killjoy! Look, there's a sports bar within walking distance! Go up there and watch the NCAA finals, grab yourself a brewski. You've even got a local team in the game ... and I recall that when you and I were bffs, back in the day, you were a Michigan fan.
Anne: Pass.
Dionysus: Whoa, you are definitely in Downerville. Catch a God up. What's the problem?
Anne: We've got the worst president in my lifetime. He's so bad, I can't even joke about him.
Dionysus: As bad as Caligula?
Anne: Getting there.
Dionysus: ... Because no one could joke about him either.
Anne: This cold spring is a bummer too.
Dionysus: Come to sunny Italy with me! We'll eat some fish, some pasta, drink some red wine ...
Anne: STOP ALREADY! All I want to do right now is buy myself a big plate of pasta and a bottle of wine! You're a terrible God.
Dionysus (proudly): I do my part. Hey! Where's that cute little tabby cat?
Anne: She died.
Dionysus: Aww. I liked her. But ... you had a birthday not long ago, right?
Anne: Okay, I'm usually polite, but fuck you. I don't want to contemplate my age. Or my dead cat.
Dionysus: Well, surely you've been posting witty stuff on your blog ...
Anne: Not a thing.
Dionysus: Anne. You've got to get a grip ... around a nice crystal wine goblet! Everything looks bright through the bottom of the glass.
[Dionysus spills a whole bottle of finest cabernet on Anne's sofa.]
Dionysus: Oooops!
Anne: Gods damn it! Things were bad enough around here! Look what you've done to my upholstery! Ruined! That's it. Out you go.
Dionysus: All right. Be that way! I'm off to the sports bar!
Anne: Knock yourself out. If there's anything worse than thinking about Donald Trump in a sober fashion, it would be thinking about Donald Trump after a bottle of whatever that awful deity just dumped on my furniture. Guess I could take a small comfort in that.
2 comments:
Oh no! I hope you can get that stain out of your upholstery!
The only way to ignore Trump is to stay unconscious and that's not very productive. But it does get him out of your life for a while.
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