Monday, February 06, 2017

Handy Guide to the New Presidential Cabinet

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" It has come to my attention that many of my new readers are sliding in here from She Who Seeks. This means that you have the great good fortune to live in Canada. Do you need major renovations on your house? I'll do them, if I can live in your basement for a few years.

Anyway, if you're looking at the US of A from a safe distance, you may be having trouble keeping track of all the new cabinet appointees being introduced by the Orange Menace our esteemed head of state. Fear not! Here's a quick and handy guide to the new cabinet! Some of the have not been confirmed yet, but it'$ only going to take a $hort time to $ort them all out and $eat them.


Exhibit A: Secretary of State Rex Tiller$on

Mr. Tiller$on used his charm and his wide knowledge of the fossil fuel hegemony delicate balance of international affairs to win the enthusiastic support of the nation's duly elected supervillains. With his steady hand on the wheel of state, we are sure to ride right off the cliff and plunge, like Wile E. Coyote, to a puffy death on the canyon floor.

Exhibit B: Attorney General Jeff $e$$ion$

The law of the land rests in the sooty hands of Mr. $e$$ion$, who will be the first to tell you that the South will Rise Again, just as soon as we require all African Americans to have notarized letters from Abraham Lincoln, personally attesting to their right to vote. We don't want just anyone voting, now do we? Equality is for snowflakes, not He-Man Republican$!

Exhibit C: Education Secretary Betsy DeVo$$

I'll be posting this a day before Ms. DeVo$$ is set to be confirmed, but the bet is safe. Never mind that hordes of taxpaying parents have deluged their senators' phone lines, inboxes, office fronts, and Twitter feeds begging them not to confirm her, Ms. DeVo$$ is very popular with Republicans. Does it matter that she personally feels that public schools are breeding grounds for criminal minds, egged on by evil, unionized teachers? Ah, no. She'll fix it. It's her mission!

Exhibit D: Director of the Environmental Protection Agency, $cott Pruitt

This photo is metaphorical. Think of the planet Earth as the coast of Florida, and Pruitt as the force pictured above. Any questions?

There were so many promises heaved about during the election season. One of them was to get big money out of government and "drain the $wamp." Honestly, it seems like the swamp is not so much drained as deluged. Which is all good, because you don't have to call it a swamp anymore. Now it's a lake, which isn't a swamp. So there!

Yes, I am sucking my thumb. Can you blame me?


Bob Slatten said...

Scary .... cuz it's true.

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

I am one of the new readers from Debra's 'She Who Seeks' blog. I'm so glad she pointed me in this direction because you are a super cool lady. I just hate that I had to arrive at a time when all this is going on. Sounds awful. And like Debra, I'm Canadian. Would you like to borrow our Prime Minister for a little while. He's really nice.

Anne Johnson said...

I would love to borrow your prime minister! Every time I see him I cry. I want him that bad.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hahahahaha, your choice of photos to illustrate the cabinet picks just cracked me up!

Leeanna Henderson said...

I'm also one of your new readers via Debra. Sad to say, I live in the great "Red State" of Texas. Which is currently owned by Republicans as they have thrown us back to the stone age out here. But enough of my liberal plight.

I just loved the way you pictured these cabinet picks. Awesome! Also, the slight touch of $$ for S's in their names was absolutely brilliant.

Janie Junebug said...

Although Debra sent me to you, alas, I do not live in Canada. I would like to live in Canada, even though it would mean giving up my no-snow-or-ice Florida. I laughed when I saw the photo you used for Betsy, but her beliefs, like the other members of the Billionaire Boys Club Cabinet, are no joke.



we're fucked

Davoh said...

Apparently "draining the swamp" exposes more alligators... heh.

Jono said...

We are SO screwed! Our only hope is what's left of the judicial system. None of these appointments have a clue about the law or the constitution, although it hasn't stopped them yet.