Friday, March 06, 2015

Interview with a Bored God: Thor

On Wednesday last, I wore my lucky snow man necklace to work. I petitioned the Bored Goddess Sedna for inclement weather. I lit all my candles and did some deep breathing, mostly to dispel the angst I brought home from the work day.

It wasn't Sedna who came through for me, though. It was Thor.



Poor Boston! Like they needed more snow. And things are a mess in the mountains ... flooding from so much water and snow all descending at once. For me and my household, however, Winter Storm Thor was a blessing. So I've invited Thor for lunch ... because today is another snow day. Two days off school for six inches of snow! I tell you. The Mid-Atlantic. Sheesh.

Anyway, please give a warm, wonderful, Gods Are Bored welcome to Thor! (I don't think He needs any further descriptors.)

Anne: Welcome, Thor! All Hail! Have another plate of eggs!

Thor: THANKS! I WILL.

Anne (to herself) These manly deities always seem to speak in caps. (to Thor) Great One, how does it feel to have a winter storm named after You?

Thor: IT FEELS WONDERFUL! YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST ABOUT IT? PEOPLE KNOW WHO THE HELL THOR IS.

Anne: Yes, Your renaissance began way back. For me it was comic books. Honestly, next to Spiderman, you were my favorite. I felt like this little girl, in fact:



Thor: THIS IS AWESOME.

Anne: I know, right? I wanted to be You, too, when I was a kid. I don't care what anyone says, inside every person (especially little kids) is a bit of bad ass. It's all in how you manage that piece of your personality. I'm not inclined to exercise my inner bad ass too often. When I was a kid, though, I wanted to be able to whack stuff with hammers.

Thor: EVERYONE SHOULD BE PREPARED TO WHACK STUFF WITH A HAMMER. WHERE IS YOUR HAMMER, BY THE WAY?

Anne: Oh, gosh. I guess I have one on the tool table downstairs. It pays to be meek in my line of work.

Thor: IT NEVER PAYS TO BE MEEK.

Anne: Not gonna argue with a Norse deity. I concede the point.

Thor: ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT ORANGE?

Anne: No! Have it! I sliced it up for Decibel, but Decibel only needs one slice. Anyway, back to the interview. So I had a snow day named after You. Looked out the window, the white stuff was piling up. But it doesn't honor Thor to stay inside, under a blanket by a fire, on a snowy day.

Thor: I DON'T KNOW. IT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH FOOD YOU'VE GOT STORED THIS LATE IN THE SEASON. IF YOU'RE WELL-STOCKED, A DAY UNDER THE BLANKETS IS ACCEPTABLE. YOU WORKED HARD SOME OTHER TIME.

Anne: Well, my pantry was well-stocked, and it was indeed tempting to build a fire and be sluggish. But Thor! It's the first week of March in Philadephia!

Thor: SO WHAT?

Anne: So it's Philadelphia Flower Show week! Ah, the Flower Show! The Flower Show! It's one of the highlights of the year in the City of Brotherly Love.

Thor: IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL PHILADELPHIA? WHAT A DUMB NAME. SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU WENT OUT IN A SNOWSTORM TO SEE FLOWERS?

Anne: Yes! The best florists and landscapers in the Delaware Valley create huge exhibits and turn the Convention Center into a floral paradise! This year's theme was the movies. It was amazing.

Thor: THIS LOOKS RIDICULOUS.

Anne: No! It's beautiful! Remember, we must always stretch our concepts of beauty ... just like that little girl who thought You were beautiful.

Thor: WHY IS THE SKY BLACK?

Anne: It's inside a building. The Convention Center.

Thor: SO YOU WENT INTO A BUILDING TO LOOK AT FLOWERS.

Anne: Yes. It's kind of an antidote to winter.

Thor: THERE SHOULD BE NO ANTIDOTE TO WINTER EXCEPT SUMMER!

Anne: Again, not going to argue with You. That's a zero sum game. Suffice it to say that I thank you, Thor, for a snowstorm that:
a) gave me a day off school
b) during Flower Show week
c) with weather so bad that the show wasn't packed with people -- or even particularly crowded.

Thor: NEXT TIME YOU GO OUT INTO A STORM, HAVE A DECENT REASON! GO HUNTING.

4 comments:

Chas S. Clifton said...

Thor is definitely on-message.

JACKIESUE said...

Thor will be so mad at me..but every time I hear the name thor I think of the old Playboy joke..thor? thor? I'm so thor I can't take a pith..glad you got your flower watching done

Debra She Who Seeks said...

You should have told Thor how you pick up roadkill to feed the sacred vultures. I suspect he would have liked that. Or maybe he would have wanted to eat the roadkill too. Prodigious appetite.

hekates said...

I went shopping today thinking I needed something for a libation to Thor. Let's just say when my son got home he said "what's with all the booze" 2 six packs (he really wanted Angry Orchard cider) and 4 bottles of wine. I pretty much have 1 drink a month. Guess Thor is thirsty. Hope he likes sangria.