Monday, March 01, 2010
Holy Week Commences
My profile picture on this site was taken at the very first East Coast Vulture Festival. It was one of the most rapturous evenings of my entire life. Imagine being buzzard besotten for a lifetime, and discovering that a charming little town just 10 miles away has been honored by massive numbers of vultures, wintering in the trees! And the town parents (note gender neutrality), instead of shooting said vultures, celebrates them with an annual festival!
Seriously, if this festival was in Cleveland, I would go to it. Don't believe me? I've been to the Hinckley Buzzard Day. Wenonah, New Jersey is ever so much more convenient.
EXHIBIT A: VULTURES KETTLING IN WENONAH, NJ, 2009
Buzzard Week has crept up on me this year. I've never been busier! But that's no excuse for neglecting religious observance.
Here's how our Holy Buzzard Festival proceeds:
In the afternoon we have a vulture-themed party for children, free of charge. There's nothing more uplifting than winning young minds and hearts for worship of the Sacred Thunderbird, Peace Eagle of the Sky. I will be at the children's program in full vulture regalia. (Last year it was 70 degrees. I almost passed out. It's called suffering for your faith.)
This year the evening Ritual includes the usual uplifting sermon on the important role vultures play in our ecosystem. Then we will have some musical numbers from a local vulture-friendly folk singer. Then a display of wildlife (including a Sacred Turkey Vulture Thunderbird Peace Eagle). After that we will have a drum ceremony from Native Americans. That's right, I'm not making this up. A real Native American drum performance to honor the Sacred Thunderbird etc. etc. etc! I am quite sure the congregation will be uplifted ... ummmm ... well, we want to be uplifted, anyway. We love buzzards! Nothing more uplifting than a vulture, don't you think?
As time permits this week, I will post pictures of previous ceremonies and helpful tips for your personal Vulture Worship. If you are wondering whether or not vultures qualify as bored gods ... absolutely, yes! See the light! Those things on the shoulder of Route 40 aren't ugly buzzards, they're Sacred Peace Eagles, cleansing the earth and keeping it pure for all living things!
Remember, vultures don't mess with living things. Not even little kittens. Vultures are peace on the wing. Watch them fly and ask yourself how great it is to be stuck on the ground.
All hail the Sacred Thunderbird! Long may the Peace Eagle reign!