Friday, September 02, 2011

Everything's Just Ducky! Hurricane Hype





It's hard work being Rush Limbaugh. He has such a difficult time holding onto his "moron of the universe" title when there are so many other hard-working morons trying to unseat him. Nevertheless, he manages to do it. No doubt the opiate derivative medications help keep him sharp.

Earlier this week, the Limbaugh pestilence described the build-up to Hurricane Irene as "hype" created by the media. I guess hurricanes should be ignored unless they can completely decimate a city and leave a million people homeless.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" join the throng of Hurricane Irene victims calling Limbaugh's remarks EPIC FAIL.

Case in point: Yesterday I went for a walk along the murky little waterway near my house. The entire floodplain looked like someone had plastered it with mud. All vegetation was flattened and battered. As I perused this sad landscape, I stepped sideways on a hill, slipped on some muck, and fell on my face. (Actually I fell on my titanium hip and all that side of my body, and then on my face.)

So there I sat, checking for broken bones, plastered with New Jersey mud, and cursing myself for being clumsy ... and within 30 seconds I was beset by a swarm of mosquitoes.

Bitten, muddy, and humbled, I limped home.

Deep within the primal stem of my brain, at its lowest level of functionality, I must have believed Rush Limbaugh and considered the hurricane talk just so much blah blah blah. Why else would I choose to stroll along a floodplain just days after a catastrophic meteorological event?

The moral of this sermon is so simple even a moron could understand it. If the media calls it a dangerous hurricane, and you look outside and the weather's atrocious, and the fire sirens bleat at all hours for the next three days, and you can't walk a path because it's inches deep in slippery mud,  it must indeed be as the media says: a dangerous hurricane.

Words of wisdom, wasted on the wise. Morons don't read "The Gods Are Bored."


Photo credit: http://haddonfield.patch.com/users/bill-duhart

5 comments:

Nettle said...

My sister was unable to get into town or to a store days because the only bridge between her and the rest of the world washed out in the storm. She was fine because she was well-prepared for a dangerous storm Yay for hype. I'm glad we were all warned.

Lori F 0 said...

Glad you're okay.

Davoh said...

"Morons don't read "The Gods Are Bored."' ..

um, thinking ...

Sarita Rucker said...

When I found out what category Irene was I was thinking "excuse me?? What's all the fuss about? Stop complaining, people!"

Then I finally realized that it was hitting a place not used to hurricanes...which can make all the difference in the world.

I'm glad you're all right, and that the worst that happened to you was getting covered in mud and bitten by mosquitoes.

kimc said...

We think we have figured out why the world seems to have so suddenly increased in stupid: we suspect that "Mad Cow Disease" has morphed into the less virulent, non-fatal form "Stupid Cow Disease" and is spreading and making everyone who eats cow, stupid.
:-)