I'm a Wreck at the Vo-Tech

 When was the last time I interviewed a bored deity? A long time. But I can't blame them for boycotting me. Who wants to talk to a human wreck who can't even keep her upholstery clean?

This is just a follow-up on the hate crime in my classroom. To recap, a student wrote the "n" word on a Black student's paper during a time when everyone was circulating around the room. The student who received the slur reported it as a HIB (harassment, intimidation, and bullying).

I turned in a ton of handwriting samples to the administration, and this helped them to determine whose handwriting best fit the scrawl on the paper. They clearly identified a boy and proceeded to grill him about it. He cried. He pleaded innocence. His tears moved the vice principals.

They didn't see the look the kid shot me in between grillings. With face masks, all I can see is eyes. But that's all you need to see, really.

Long story short, another student confessed to the crime. The student said he didn't know the paper belonged to an African American student. He said he thought it was funny. And he said he imitated his best friend's handwriting.

This satisfied the administrators and the girl. The boy who confessed was removed from my class. The girl is back.

The boy with the distinctive handwriting and menacing glare is still in my class.

It's unrealistic to expect that I'll never have issues like this in my classroom. But by and large, the students at my school are pretty dedicated and respectful. And the baddies don't last. But with a TikTok challenge called "Slap a Teacher," I am on my guard.

I've got a wand. I found a piece of rose quartz at the beach over the weekend. I put up a grid of the Four Quarters on my desk. Every day I wear my Witch Ball and my copper bracelet.

There are no atheists in the foxhole.

May in October: A Pandemic Navel Gaze

 Two years. No festivals. It's enough to make a girl weep.

Okay, call me frivolous and silly if you like. I prefer to see myself as a chaotic magician in need of charging my skills through joyous and unusual festivities.

Words matter, right?

Anyway, it's been quite awhile since I had the opportunity to charge my chaotic magic, but I did so in spades over the weekend. 

For two decades, Spoutwood Farm hosted Fairy Festivals. The final one was in 2018, and we moved to a venue near Baltimore in 2019. Here's a nice photo from that shindig:

EXHIBIT A: THEN

If you are in on this kind of magic, you see the power here. If you're not, wow! Look at that sky!

Well, the pandemic descended, and all revels were cancelled in 2020. Then 2021 hove into sight, and the revels were cancelled again. Not that I blame anybody. No one wants to go cavort in a field with their best friends and wind up with a novel coronavirus as a souvenir.

Over the summer, one of the chief revelers from the Fairy Festival arranged an event called "Lesstival" that would be open to those who volunteered their time to previous large festivals. And this one would be back at Spoutwood!

And so, with vaccine cards in hand, a few of us arrived at Spoutwood, donned our outlandish garb, and indulged in chaotic magic. I used the opportunity to re-charge my working wand, using Spoutwood energy. And now my wand is flat-out humming with power!

Spoutwood Farm is a beautiful location in the piedmont hills of York County, PA. It did get quite trampled during the many festivals there, and eventually the fair outgrew the farm. Now, three and a half years out from the last gathering there, the farm has transformed. The vines are thicker, the trees are larger, and the wooded areas are entirely the realm of the fae again. Just don't go in there, okay? It's lush and alluring. How very fairy.

So a few of us gathered at Spoutwood. We had music, and a Burning Man bonfire, and we danced a Maypole. Yes, a Maypole in October! 

EXHIBIT B: NOW

If you look real close, that's me by the tree, contemplating the long, strange trip that led to a Maypole dance in October. 

Wow! Since we were adults, led by the owner of Spoutwood Farm, we actually wrapped that Maypole with panache! And had fun doing it. I came away from this mini-festival chock-a-block with chaos.

The best part of this festival was it had a nice long morning of downtime while all the tipplers nursed their hangovers. So I was able to take a charming drive through rural PA (complete with Amish buggies) and find a new waterfall for my collection! Look at this lovely falls!

EXHIBIT C: MILL CREEK FALLS, YORK COUNTY, PA

Easy walk, not crowded, fantastic water symphony. And fool's gold in the rocks.

This was my weekend, soaking up some mayhem in the land of the fairies. It was so refreshing!

Wow, I Need My Working Wand!

 On day four of my first week of work, I was told that a kid sitting near my desk had tested positive for COVID. Five students were sent home to quarantine, but I got to stay because I am vaccinated.

I was prepared for this. My guess is the whole school will shut down before Christmas. But in the meantime, I have need for my working wand.

Those of you who have been following my meandering life will know that I have two magic wands: a ceremonial wand and a working wand. The working wand, though it is charged with magic, just looks like a stick. It's quite portable. Comes in handy.

There are so many reasons for taking a wand to work that I can hardly list them all in a single post. I've never faced anything like this autumn. Not even last autumn, when I sat in an empty classroom, fearing my colleagues and their lax habits.

All the students (who aren't in quarantine) have returned to class. They are required to wear masks. Which, being teenagers, they try to finesse. They must put their phones away while in class. Which, being teenagers, they try to finesse. They have to wear uniforms and ID cards. Which, being teenagers ... never mind. You get it.

I teach 9th grade. But this year I am teaching kids who missed 8th grade. I don't know if you can remember back to those awful middle school years, but you will no doubt recall that there's some maturity that happens in 8th grade. It didn't happen. The kids are immature and squirrely. Some of them, when told gently to put their phones away, shut down and put their heads on their desks.

But I saved the worst for last.

I always get at least one inclusion class. For those of you not up on your teacher lingo, an inclusion class contains students who need special, individual support for a variety of reasons. Inclusion classes are co-taught with a Special Ed teacher. I have worked with many such teachers, always in a spirit of collegiality.

This year I need my wand.

I am saddled with a loutish young man probably still in his twenties. Do I need to say more if I tell you he got full-blown COVID last winter from hanging out in a bar with his buddies? Well, sadly, there's more. The chump is chock-a-block with toxic masculinity. Let's put aside that he complains about other teachers he has worked with. He is poison to my students.

After he snarled at the class most of last week (earning their hatred right out of the gate, trust me), I told him I would handle the discipline. Not ten minutes later, he got in the face of a stripling girl of 14 and dressed her down for something I had just handled. The girl wound up shaking and crying.

Not on my damn watch. Wand up, shields up, time to detox this masculine pest.

I'm not a confrontational person. But little girls aren't going to cry in my classroom. I also bleed Union blue, and this guy is in my bargaining unit, but I'm prepared to go to his supervisor if he doesn't shape the hell up.

You know what I hate? I hate people who project doom. I can't feature someone who could say, "IF YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE OUT, YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE HERE AT THIS SCHOOL, AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT KIND OF TROUBLE."

For the love of fruit flies! It's not like these kids are out drinking with their buddies in a pandemic!

So, as my beloved Yellowdog Grannny says, "Chin up, tits out." And wands out. And spines straight. I'm not only teaching the students, I'm teaching a teacher.

By the way, my room is full of the books you all donated to me. I got a whopping $200 from the school district last spring, but I'm well set, thanks to you. I haven't forgotten.

The Magic Boost

My friends, I sit here every day doing more or less the same thing, which is next-to-nothing. My state is open, but I don't go anywhere except the grocery store and the pharmacy.

That will change when September rolls around. I will be expected to report to my classroom. There have been no plans revealed about what that classroom capacity will be and how my students and I will be protected from the novel coronavirus.

Having worked in a school for 15 years, I'm here to tell you it's a swirling miasma of contagion. In January, just before Covid, I had a virus that had me coughing for weeks. My English department colleagues all caught it too.

I listen to the news obsessively, so I know what I can do to protect myself: masks, hand-washing, face shield, hand sanitizer, don't touch face, social distancing. I'm prepared to do all of that.

But one never wants to leave any tool on the table, so I have turned to magic for a boost in my protection. Magic doesn't replace the mundane safety measures, but it can enhance them.

If you're looking for a good place to start learning about a magical practice, I highly recommend John Beckett's new online course Operative Magic. John is a Druid and a very reasonable, approachable person. His course is six sessions, homework optional (mostly to get his very helpful feedback). John gives a nicely-done history of magic, the philosophy of magic, and then concrete information on how to create a spell. The course is $50, which I call money well spent. I only have one session left to complete, so I've gotten a good view of it.

There are also two books I will recommend if you feel any affinity for organic magic stemming from Appalachian traditions. The first is Staubs and Ditchwater by Byron Ballard. Byron is a hedge witch working as a Pagan. The other book is Backwoods Witchcraft by Jake Richards. Jake works through the Christian tradition, which is to be expected -- generations and generations and generations of Appalachians have been Christians. But what's interesting about Backwoods Witchcraft is how ancient and British Isles it feels. Both of these books show you how to do spells using items you have all around you in your house and yard.

Skeptics might say, "Why turn to magic? Isn't that just a bunch of superstition?"

My answer is, "Why not? And what you might call 'superstition' I call 'covering the mystical bases.'"

This pandemic is the most dangerous existential threat to my existence since I was a blithe teenager doing stupid, reckless stuff. I'm not leaving tools on the table. That would be foolish.

Magic Wands and Why You Need One

Hello and welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" I'm your hostess, Anne. I have a magic wand. Two, actually: one for ritual, one for everyday. In a post below I explained how to make a magic wand for everyday use. You don't need some polished, expensive craftsman-made item! In fact, that item probably has its maker's mark on it too deeply. A self-made wand. That's what you want.

But why do you need a wand? Why are you reading this? Did you Google "use a magic wand" and find me? If so, howdy!

If you're a regular tourist on this site, you too might want to consider making a working wand. I've been writing "The Gods Are Bored" since 2005, and I've been alive a lot longer than that, and I have never known a time when I was more in need of a magic wand.

Maybe you've noticed, things are scary out there.

Maybe you've noticed that people are carrying guns.

Maybe you hear people talk harshly about other people who look like you, or feel like you do.

Maybe you have to keep deep secrets about yourself ... things you wish you could talk about with your friends and family.

Maybe you wonder why God is male, and why He tortures people for eternity if they don't follow His narrow path.

Maybe you feel a profound disconnect between what you see and hear from the president (or about him) and the respect he gets from your parents, your church, your community.

Maybe someone you love is sick or dying. Maybe someone you love has just died.

Maybe you have a child, or children, and you want something different for them. Something better.

Maybe you are struggling with drugs. Alcohol. Body image. Identity. Gender. You are struggling all alone, so far as you know.


Well, a wand is a helper, not a cure-all. But would you rather have help, or nothing? Halfway there is better than never getting started.

Your magic wand has two purposes: protection and comfort. You cannot damage another person with your wand. (Better said: just don't do it ... Do you want to be worse than the worst person you know?) But you can preserve and protect yourself.

Remember that wands help turn your intentions (sort of like deep wishes) into actions.

Magic wands give protective power to people who feel powerless. They stem from a time when the forces in power -- the king, his lords, the Church, the law -- could prey upon ordinary folks with no consequences. But a wand. A wand. In the right hands, whether known or secret, a wand could stem the damage. It is the work of the Old Ones to heal and protect. The Old Ones, lingering in the shadows but never overshadowed, have seen all of this before. They give you the idea to create a wand. They give your wand the magic, so you can ride through these storms.

Grasp your wand lightly by the Earth end and say, "This wand brings me peace. This wand brings me power. This wand stands between me and the mayhem."

Start there. It works.

Magic Wands and Romantic Love

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," witchy stuff by a witch and for anyone who is interested in witchcraft! I'm especially glad to hear from you if you're having a crisis of faith with some other religion, and yet you still feel spiritual -- and curious.

In a post below I explain in simple steps how to make a magic wand. I have a working wand, and I take it with me often. (In fact, I just lost my working wand at a LARP, so I have to make a new one.)

In another post below, I explain what you can do with a wand, and what doesn't work.

So now we find ourselves at perhaps the #1 reason that young people want to try wands and spell work: love! Of course! You need supernatural help to get that certain someone to look your way!

Okay. Before you do, please read the following cautionary tale. I didn't write it. My good friend Anansi the Trickster Spider God didn't write it either (although He wouldn't mind taking credit for it).

LOVE POTION NUMBER 9

There was an old man who ran a shop that sold potions and other magical items. One day a young man came into the shop and said, "Tell me, kind sir. Do you have any potion that will cause someone to fall deeply and completely in love with me? There's this girl ... and she has no interest in me ... and I want to change that. I want her to be so in love with me that she wants to build her whole world around me."

"I have a potion that will do that," the man said. "All you have to do is fling it into her Diet Coke."

"Wow!" shouted the happy young man. "How much does it cost?"

The old man smiled. "Five dollars," he said.

The young man couldn't believe his luck. Five dollars! That was something even he could afford! He parted with the money, and the old man gave him the potion.

The young man wasted no time finding his crush, and he sneaked the potion into her drink. Not five minutes later, she struck up a conversation with him, and within an hour she was hanging on his every word. He took her out to dinner. Then they went to the club. And then they went to his place, where she was on fire for his bones like he just couldn't believe!

The next morning the alarm went off. The young man was due at work.

"Don't tell me you're leaving!" the girl said. "Stay awhile! I don't want to be without you."

So the guy called in sick. He spent the whole day with his ladylove. They had a swell time, going out to eat, strolling in the park, and OH yeah, more of that bedroom activity!

But alas, morning rolled around again, and this time the young man had to go to work. His new girlfriend actually cried. She said she didn't know how she would get through the day without him. He kissed her goodbye and went to work.

She texted him every 15 minutes and called him three times before lunch. After lunch she started calling every hour to find out when he would be home. When she wasn't tying up the phone, she was texting nonstop, including some photos that were definitely NSFW.

When the guy got home from work, his girlfriend mobbed him at the door and smothered him with kisses. She had prepared a lavish dinner for them, and she stared lovingly at him throughout it. Then he remembered that it was Dev Night.

"Sweetie," he said, "every Tuesday I go to Dev Night. That's where a bunch of us talk about video games we are creating ... you know, throwing ideas back and forth, checking out the coding, critiquing other video games ... I always go."

Again the girl began to cry. She said she couldn't stand it if he was out without her, after she had to spend the whole day without him. She begged him to take her along, so he did. The whole night she clung to his arm and tried to distract him from the conversations. But when they got home, OH yeah! Back in the sack! He didn't sleep too well with her curled around him like a python, but what's a guy gonna do?

Every day was the same. The girlfriend would scream and cry when he had to leave for work. She would text and call him relentlessly until he returned, and then she wouldn't let him out of her sight. He couldn't get a beer with the boys. He couldn't even watch a ball game without her climbing all over him. She seemed to have no other life than just him. All the time.

Finally the young man went back to see the old fellow who made the love potions. The old man didn't seem very surprised to see him.

"Say, remember that love potion you sold me?" the young man asked.

"Of course I do," the old man responded.

"Well, do you have any potions that can undo the potion you gave me?"

"Of course I do!" exclaimed the old man. "I wouldn't make a potion that didn't have an antidote."

"Well," the young man said, "How much is the antidote? I really need it."

The old man stroked his chin. "Ten thousand dollars," he replied.

Now look at old Anansi! He's really disappointed He didn't come up with this one! I know, Anansi. It's a doozy.

How, you ask, does this charming tale relate to your magic wand and how you might use it to make someone fall in love with you? I'll just say this: Weaving love magic is tricky business. There's an old saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it." That gal or dude you are sizing up for a magic-wand-moment might not be exactly what you bargained for.

This is a roundabout way of saying that I personally do not recommend using a magic wand to make someone fall in love with you. But stay tuned, because wands are really, really terrific at making you fall in love with yourself.

See you soon!

How Do Magic Wands Work?

Hello, and welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," dedicated to Gods and ancestors and Nature Spirits and Sacred Animals and Silly Tricksters ... and not necessarily in that order! My name is Anne Johnson (really), and I've hovered over the proceedings here since 2005.

Before I address the complicated question of how magic wands work, I feel like I should offer my credentials as a Pagan, so you'll know I'm not a phony or anything.

I see faeries. I worship vultures. I am crackerjack at explaining weird dreams.

No diploma, no particular set Path or pantheon. "To me, every hour of the light and dark is a miracle." (Walt Whitman) And that's good enough for me. So, we will proceed.

In the movies, people point wands, and stuff explodes. Or they point wands,  and the bad guy goes reeling off a convenient cliff. Well, that's the movies. If you want to make something explode, buy some fireworks. Follow the safety instructions.

Wands exist to make inner intentions manifest in the material world.

Whoa. Whoa! Complicated lingo there. Let me try again:

Wands help to make what you're feeling on the inside come to fruition in your everyday life.

Let's take a very simple example.

You need money, and you have a magic wand. You hold the wand by the "Earth" end, and you say, "I need to increase my financial fortune." You picture in your mind the way this can be done, both in miraculous ways and in everyday ways. The wand will probably lead you into the everyday means of money-making (and you'll go with power, since you have a wand). But it may also reward you with some unexpected (i.e. "miracle") money. How? Well, if you are intending to find money by legal means, you'll be more vigilant in your search for it. You might put your hands deeper into the pockets of your coats. You'll look more sharply along the street for some dropped cash. If your intention is to get some money, and you are positive about it (and not negative, meaning of criminal bent), the wand will strengthen you.

Now, my dear young readers, the few other Pagans who read this blog are now rolling their eyes, because it's such a stereotype to suggest that a magic wand can increase your fortune, or make someone fall in love with you, or save Granny from her cancer.

But I say, if you have a magic wand, and you drive it with positive intentions, it will work for you. Do you intend it to work? Intention is more than half the battle.

And so but you are saying, "Wait. Can a magic wand really save my dying Granny?"

What do you think? Granny, like all of us, faces the laws of Nature. So no, the wand can't keep her in the apparent world forever (or as long as you need her). However, if you adjust your intention with the wand, you will forge a bond with Granny that will transcend the apparent world.

Suppose instead of pointing the wand at Granny (Earth end in your hand) and saying, "Magic wand, save my Granny," you held the wand and said, "May my bond with Granny never be broken." The power of the wand will create such a fantastic connection between you and your ancestor that, so long as you live, she will be a guide and a deep part of you. And then, no matter what pantheon you follow -- even if you're a non-believer -- you will be reunited with her at another time.

EXHIBIT A: WANDS SAVE GOVERNMENT AGENCIES

This is me, with my working wand, placing an intention at the Environmental Protection Agency on the day of the Women's March on Washington. I didn't say, "Wand, save the EPA." I said, "Intentions for protection of this space." Now I intend individually to protect that government agency, and the wand powers me up to do so. It also empowers me to seek others who can do that work with me.

Wands concentrate your intentions and give them power, so you can enact them. Oh, yes! This can be good or bad. I'll talk to you more about it another day ... so don't go love-wanding just yet.

For handy instructions on making a wand, see the post below.

How To Make a Magic Wand

The Harry Potter series made magic wands kind of popular and trendy, but wands have always been around. There are two kinds: ceremonial wands and working wands. Today, Teacher Annie is going to tell you how to make a working wand!

Steps for Making a Working Wand:

1. Find a stick that is no longer than your forearm. Half the length of your forearm is better. You need to be able to hold it in your hand with about four to five inches of it extending beyond your hand. Your stick can come from a tree that is special to you. You can find it along the road. Personally I like driftwood, since it's smooth, but a nice sturdy stretch of any tree or branch is good. (A loved one can give you this stick. This includes the trusty canine.) It's also okay to buy a fancy carved wand from a vendor or artist. Me personally, I don't want to call attention to my working wand, so I favor ordinary sticks.

2. Power your working wand with Earth. Place the end you'll be holding into the soil of a land base you love. (If you love the beach, placing it in sand will be great.) Tell the wand what you are doing. Example: "I am charging this wand with Earth energy from this land that I love."

3. Power your working wand with Water. Place the whole wand in a body of water that has significance to you. This can be anything from your fragrant bubble bath to the churning surf of the ocean ... and everything in between. You can power a working wand in a rain puddle or a bird bath. I wouldn't recommend a bottle of spring water, because all that plastic, you know? Instead, fill a casserole dish with tap water, if you're in a hurry. Tell the wand what you are doing. Example: "I am charging this wand with Water energy to surround it with a power source."

4. Power your working wand with Fire. Place the end you'll be pointing in any fire, from a campfire to the flame on a gas stove or a candle. Remember, all you want to do is char the tip. You don't want to burn the whole thing or your fingers! Tell the wand what you are doing. Example: "I am charging this wand with Fire energy for purity and light."

5. Power your working wand with Air. Take it to a musical concert or a drum circle. If there's no concert handy, turn on your favorite tunes really loud. Hold the wand in front of the music. Music is vibration in the air. That's why it's so wonderful. Tell the wand what you are doing. Example: "I am charging this wand with Air energy so it becomes filled with the sky."

6. Power your working wand with Spirit. Hold it close to your heart. Speak kindly to it. Fill it with your most loving and positive thoughts. Take it to bed with you while you sleep, keeping it close to your face. Don't deliberately fill it with nastiness or negativity! You don't need that kind of aggravation in your life. The whole world is nasty. You want your wand to be different.

There you have it! A working wand. It's really that easy.

 I carry my working wand in my purse or in a pocket. When I'm teaching school and I want things to go smoothly, I put it on my desk.

So, what do you do when curious minds ask you about your wand?

Example: A student said to me, "Miss, why do you have a stick on your desk?"

Sample answers:

*I like sticks.
*Why don't you have a stick on your desk?
*This is my favorite stick.
*Get back to work.

(Actually I think I said something like, "Have you finished the assignment, Student? Let me see how you did.")

The important thing here is to not divulge that your "stick" is a working wand. If you do identify it as a working wand to a friend or colleague, be sure you totally trust that person. Magic isn't showy. It's not fashionable. It's best kept secret, just between you and your wand ... until you need to use it in the public sphere.


Now that you have a working wand, you must be asking yourself: What can I do with it? Stay tuned. I'll address that in my next lesson!