Magic Wands and Romantic Love

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," witchy stuff by a witch and for anyone who is interested in witchcraft! I'm especially glad to hear from you if you're having a crisis of faith with some other religion, and yet you still feel spiritual -- and curious.

In a post below I explain in simple steps how to make a magic wand. I have a working wand, and I take it with me often. (In fact, I just lost my working wand at a LARP, so I have to make a new one.)

In another post below, I explain what you can do with a wand, and what doesn't work.

So now we find ourselves at perhaps the #1 reason that young people want to try wands and spell work: love! Of course! You need supernatural help to get that certain someone to look your way!

Okay. Before you do, please read the following cautionary tale. I didn't write it. My good friend Anansi the Trickster Spider God didn't write it either (although He wouldn't mind taking credit for it).

LOVE POTION NUMBER 9

There was an old man who ran a shop that sold potions and other magical items. One day a young man came into the shop and said, "Tell me, kind sir. Do you have any potion that will cause someone to fall deeply and completely in love with me? There's this girl ... and she has no interest in me ... and I want to change that. I want her to be so in love with me that she wants to build her whole world around me."

"I have a potion that will do that," the man said. "All you have to do is fling it into her Diet Coke."

"Wow!" shouted the happy young man. "How much does it cost?"

The old man smiled. "Five dollars," he said.

The young man couldn't believe his luck. Five dollars! That was something even he could afford! He parted with the money, and the old man gave him the potion.

The young man wasted no time finding his crush, and he sneaked the potion into her drink. Not five minutes later, she struck up a conversation with him, and within an hour she was hanging on his every word. He took her out to dinner. Then they went to the club. And then they went to his place, where she was on fire for his bones like he just couldn't believe!

The next morning the alarm went off. The young man was due at work.

"Don't tell me you're leaving!" the girl said. "Stay awhile! I don't want to be without you."

So the guy called in sick. He spent the whole day with his ladylove. They had a swell time, going out to eat, strolling in the park, and OH yeah, more of that bedroom activity!

But alas, morning rolled around again, and this time the young man had to go to work. His new girlfriend actually cried. She said she didn't know how she would get through the day without him. He kissed her goodbye and went to work.

She texted him every 15 minutes and called him three times before lunch. After lunch she started calling every hour to find out when he would be home. When she wasn't tying up the phone, she was texting nonstop, including some photos that were definitely NSFW.

When the guy got home from work, his girlfriend mobbed him at the door and smothered him with kisses. She had prepared a lavish dinner for them, and she stared lovingly at him throughout it. Then he remembered that it was Dev Night.

"Sweetie," he said, "every Tuesday I go to Dev Night. That's where a bunch of us talk about video games we are creating ... you know, throwing ideas back and forth, checking out the coding, critiquing other video games ... I always go."

Again the girl began to cry. She said she couldn't stand it if he was out without her, after she had to spend the whole day without him. She begged him to take her along, so he did. The whole night she clung to his arm and tried to distract him from the conversations. But when they got home, OH yeah! Back in the sack! He didn't sleep too well with her curled around him like a python, but what's a guy gonna do?

Every day was the same. The girlfriend would scream and cry when he had to leave for work. She would text and call him relentlessly until he returned, and then she wouldn't let him out of her sight. He couldn't get a beer with the boys. He couldn't even watch a ball game without her climbing all over him. She seemed to have no other life than just him. All the time.

Finally the young man went back to see the old fellow who made the love potions. The old man didn't seem very surprised to see him.

"Say, remember that love potion you sold me?" the young man asked.

"Of course I do," the old man responded.

"Well, do you have any potions that can undo the potion you gave me?"

"Of course I do!" exclaimed the old man. "I wouldn't make a potion that didn't have an antidote."

"Well," the young man said, "How much is the antidote? I really need it."

The old man stroked his chin. "Ten thousand dollars," he replied.

Now look at old Anansi! He's really disappointed He didn't come up with this one! I know, Anansi. It's a doozy.

How, you ask, does this charming tale relate to your magic wand and how you might use it to make someone fall in love with you? I'll just say this: Weaving love magic is tricky business. There's an old saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it." That gal or dude you are sizing up for a magic-wand-moment might not be exactly what you bargained for.

This is a roundabout way of saying that I personally do not recommend using a magic wand to make someone fall in love with you. But stay tuned, because wands are really, really terrific at making you fall in love with yourself.

See you soon!

Lucky Me

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored" on this special day! Yes, every year August 23 rolls around. Recall that we at "The Gods Are Bored" are fond of that number.

And no wonder. August 23 is my wedding anniversary. Twenty-four years of blissful freedom from divorce lawyers!

Who says life can't be like movie sex? This is me and Mr. Johnson. Okay, well, it isn't of course. But that's how I feel about my dude. Just when you think he can't get any sexier, he comes home and tells you he's been named to his labor union's executive board. Wowsa!

Baby, you rock my world! Shall we go for 48?

Revising My View of the Human Race

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," wit and wisdom for the witty and wise!

Musical saw player for hire. Will annoy the most easygoing neighbors. Can be accompanied by Macaw. Will annoy the most easygoing neighbors in the next Zip code.

Decibel the Parrot, Orator

Just when I throw in the towel on the human race, I'm proven wrong. Opened my email this morning to find a blessing from David the Druid. Heartfelt spiritual uplift, the kind that leaves you feeling like you're wearing soft feathers all day.

Then this afternoon, I visited the ever-interesting Buzzardbilly, to find that she had sent me an award! I hope it'll load. If not, I'll show Buzzardbilly how much I love her another way.

Here it is:

I'm supposed to name ten other bloggers that I love ... but I'll suffice it to load a few more faves onto the sidebar and do a meme on Ten People I Love.

Ten People Anne Loves

1. Spouse and partner, Mr. Johnson

2. Daughter The Heir, despite musical saw

3. Daughter The Spare

Gosh, I forgot to differentiate between living and dead. So let's stick to the living.

4. Sis, even though her religion is a sticking point

5. Monkey Man (You would love him too.)

6. Cousin Marta Fiscus

7. Cousin Cindy Hinchen

8. Joe Kuskowski

9. John Cowan

10. Everyone in my blogroll, including Jesus' General, but I only love him in a chaste and Biblically-appropriate way.

Ah, love, love! It's the only thing! As for me and my house, we will follow the Love!