My Jaw Dropped to the Floor

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where there is no room for gloom and doom!

All it takes is one magickal Blue Moon get-together, and the blessings start pouring in.

There's a federally-designated endangered plant called Harperella living along Terrapin Run.

But that's not the best news. THIS is the best news:

http://www.faeriecon.com

Bibi, I sure hope you see this one! You too, Hecate.

Hat tip to awesome Nettle on the con. And if you visit Nettle's site, please be advised that the picture at the top is her family farm.

Beannachd leat!

Shhhh!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we're waiting for the Rapture to rupture! I'm your host, Anne Johnson. Yes, that's Anne with an "e." You might think you're Sherlock Holmes enough to figure out which of the 341,000 Anne Johnsons in American happens to be me. Forget it, honcho! There's another Anne Johnson right down the street! How will you know it's me and not her?

There's such security in being Anne Johnson. Cuz I think I'd really suck at making up a blog name.

This faerie is called "The Rebel." Look at him. He's either ticked to the max, or plotting, or both. Maybe he's got something up his sleeve. A secret he keeps to himself, or maybe only shares with other rebellious faeries.

There's been a great deal of talk lately in blogs I read about how Pagans should go public, indeed burst into political activity, in rebellion against the coming Christian oligarchy.

Look at "The Rebel" and think again.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" advocate surrounding our praise and worship activities with a cloak of mystery. Up to and including secret handshakes.

Some people don't like secrets. They like to be all out in the open with the herd, following some clueless leader.

Other people rebel. They start whispering with people who are rebellious as they are. Next thing you know, you've got the Freemasons, secrecy and safety in numbers.

Speaking of numbers, let's crunch some. First, your intelligent, environmentally-sensitive liberal family. Two kids, three max. Responsible and fully cognizant of global overpopulation.

Second, your uber-fundie family. Twelve kids. Forget the environment, the Rapture's on the way. In the meantime, we've bred to the point of majority rule. Let's burn some Pagans!

You think I'm kidding? Ask "The Rebel" above. He's a faerie. He can see the future.

There are two ways to handle this clear and present danger.

1. Make yourself a target now so they'll come for you, and then appeal to the reasonable masses for support as they lash you to the stake. Didn't work in the 17th century, won't work now.

2. Cloak yourself in a divine shield of penetrable secrecy, so that the rebellious among them come to join you.

I like to think of this as praise and worship of the Scarlet Pimpernel variety. If you don't know who the Scarlet Pimpernel is, ha ha! Shhhhh!

Beannacht leat,

THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

"The Rebel," by Seitou

May Day! May Day!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," snark in the park after dark, what a lark!

Ah, that little bit of word work could only come from one of my faeries. Hello there, Princess!

Princess: Hello, Annie. Working on your fanny?

Anne: Emmm... do you mean, sitting around writing a book about fossils, or getting fatter in the derriere?

Princess: Yes.

Anne: And it was you who "misplaced" my research material, right?

Princess: Left. I never say that "r" word that rhymes with fight and flight.

Anne: Princess, I watched a podcast on Yahoo a few days ago that said it's no good for little girls to dress up and play pretty princess. The announcer said that it amounts to a dread conspiracy by Disney to make all women air-heads.

Princess: And I presume you're not going to be winking or linking to that stinking bit of balderdash.

Anne: (to readers) Don't you just love the way faeries talk? (to Princess) Alas, I stink at the link. I think. Wink wink. You look pretty in pink.

Princess: To answer your question, I do believe you'll find more than a few fiery females who spent their tender years playing princess. Present company excepted.

Anne: Can I help it if I was the only girl with a bunch of boy cousins who would rather play Vietnam? Seriously, I just do not see a problem here, except within the concept that you need a prince to save the day. Guess I avoided that playing Vietnam.

Princess: Anne, I hate to relate this twist of fate, but your daughter The Spare played Princess Jasmine with such relish that you feared the pictures you took might have wound up on the Internet. And was it not you, you Annie girl, who took her to Ross over the weekend and lavished her with a gooey gown for yet another Bas Mitzvah?

Anne: Guilty as charged. But stay, coy fey! Oy vey! My daughter The Heir loved being a pretty princess too. Would you please explain the Les Claypool t-shirt and the fact that she hasn't touched a grain of makeup in two years?

Princess: (yawn) A hum drum conundrum. Everyone is an individual. And don't you think you have more influence over your kids than Disney does? I know for a fact that you're teaching The Spare how to cook and The Heir how to wallow in weirdness. They're not getting their ideas from Disney.

Anne: Iron Chef Cat Cora, more like it.

And the perennial Les Claypool. Coming to Philadelphia again! Calgon, take me away!

Princess: I don't have any Calgon. How about a dragon?

Anne: Princess, I have only a few more questions. First, are you going with me to the Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm? (I linked that before, you can scroll down.)

Princess: Can I be frank? You are a lazy ass, Anne. Didn't even link Cat Cora. But yes, a thousand times yes, I wouldn't miss the Fairie Festival.

Anne: Do you have any ideas what we can say to those wacked Christians who stand by the fence and yell, "May Day! May Day! That's what pilots say when they're about to crash and burn ... which is what you sinful pagans are going to do!"

Princess: There at the fair lurk the jerks. But you should feel sorry for them, Anne. They don't know that as pilots go down to crash and burn, they're summoning the Gentry of Sidhe with our lovely rhyming holy day.

Anne: Why, Princess. I never thought of that. So, can you help me outline my fossil book?

Princess: Just go look in the mirror. You're getting to be a fossil yourself. The book can all be autobiographical.

Anne: That's what I get for asking help of a faerie. Okay, I'll play hardball. If you don't help me with fossils, Princess, I'll stay home from the fairie festival and separate out my winter clothes.

Princess: Sedimentation... trace fossils ... amber (ooo, I like amber!) ... Homo erectus (ooo, I like him too!)

BEANNACHD LEAT!

THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

"Princess," by Seitou, created especially for "The Gods Are Bored." View Seitou's other amazing faeries at the link in the sidebar.

Les Claypool at the Electric Factory, June 3, 2007. Maybe if I forget to buy tickets...

Film Review -- Jesus Camp

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where every day is a new day! Hooray!

Before we get started, here are some upcoming dates you'll want to throw on your calendar. Meet and greet Anne, have a great time, go home feeling good about the world!



Thursday, April 26, 7:00 p.m.
Pizza and Poetry Night: Haiku
Location: Slice of New York Pizza, 3rd St. between Market and Cooper, Camden, NJ. BYOB



Sunday, April 29, 12:00 noon
LlynHydd Grove Beltaine Ritual
Picnic Area 14, Ridley Creek State Park, Gradysville, PA.
No B allowed!



Friday-Sunday, May 4-6, all day
Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm, Glen Rock, PA. Admission: $10.00
Includes: Costumed faeries and Green Men, full Beltaine ritual with Celtic music, drum circles, Scottish and Celtic performers, art and crafts by selected artisans.


For those of you living in the Washington, DC/Baltimore area, this is definitely worth the drive. You know who you are.

Saturday, May 12, 12:00 noon
Maypole Celebration at Woodstock Trading Company, NJ Route 70 West between Greentree and Springdale Roads.
Includes: live music, best Maypole on the east coast, lots of fun getting the ribbons untangled, lots of fun watching people drive by and stare. When this pole is rocking on, it is a gorgeous sight!



Wow! We at "The Gods Are Bored" are gonna be busy little beavers!



Today's topic: the independent documentary film Jesus Camp.



Jesus Camp is a well-directed 90-minute documentary about children who are being inculcated with extreme pseudo-Christian beliefs.



I say pseudo-Christian because the agenda of the adults influencing the children has very little to do with Christian theology and a whole heck of a lot to do with politics. The children (youngest seem to be around 5, oldest are tweens) are encouraged to get off their butts and spread Christianity, to be political activists, and to see that their sort of Christian is voted into office -- and put onto judicial benches.



Lest we think this is a bunch of fringe fundie wackadoos, the directors lace the film with radio coverage of Samuel Alito's appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court. And we've already seen where that's leading. Right, my lieblings?



The most bizarre aspect of this documentary is that the adult leadership of Jesus Camp allowed the directors to film their activities. What I saw amounted to child abuse -- kids weeping over their sins, throwing themselves on the floor, promising to fight for Jesus, even doing martial dances to aggressive music. The resemblance to the footage from Jonestown is staggering. If the adults had passed out cyanide-laced Kool-Aid, the kids would have downed it.



To the adult leadership of Jesus Camp, the hero is Fearless Godly George W. Bush. The villain (aside from poor old misunderstood Mr. Applegate) is the public school system. And liberals, of course, although the kids are too young to understand political nuance yet.



But this generation of youngsters is going to change all that. The adults tell them that they are the ones who will "take back the Christian nation of America for Jesus Christ."



(That sound you just heard was Thomas Jefferson turning in his grave.)



Intentionally, the directors offer vistas of the wide, dreary American heartland, with its soulless highways, dull little towns surrounded by shopping centers, and cardboard suburbs. It's easy to see how anything with a pulse would be attractive to kids stuck in such surroundings. Political Jesus fits the bill.



But have heart, readers! We at "The Gods Are Bored" hate scary movies. Jesus Camp was shaping up to be a real challenge to the ol' blood pressure until near the end, when Pastor Ted Haggard makes a cameo appearance preaching about (I swear on my mama's grave) homosexuality.



Mr. Johnson and I were watching the CD together, and we both roared with laughter. We had to rewind the doggone thing to hear what we missed while rolling on the floor.



There was one other patch of blue in this otherwise chilling glimpse at the Brave New World.



Although the directors made great efforts to mask it, Jesus Camp was not particularly well-attended. In the panoramic scenes of the chapel, swaths of vacant seats could be seen.



We at "The Gods Are Bored" pray that these seats may never be filled. If they are, when today's youngsters grow up, they're going to find not only a tropical America baking in a greenhouse oven, but also a theocracy that will borrow liberally from George Orwell's 1984.



Annie Sez: You can make your kids matter, too. Take them to the Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm! Talk to them about the Constitution. And for the love of fruit flies, send them to public school!





FROM ANNE
THE FILM CRITIC OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

Principles of Bad Faerie Control

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We're always here with helpful suggestions for upholstery maintenance! Out, out, damned spot!

Today we're going to share some tips on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happy faeries. In other words, we want you to be free ... free of bad faeries who will make you say words you don't want your children repeating in front of the Sunday School superintendant.

With no further ado, we offer:

Faerie 101: Tips for Essential Bad Faerie Control

1. Keep your surroundings tidy. Bad faeries hide in piles of junk. They hide your important stuff in there, too. So, hard as it is for you and me, we've got to throw out those old newspapers.

2. Make proper offerings to your faeries. They love alcohol, chocolate, cheese, fragrant candles, and any kind of dessert. Never open a bottle of booze without setting aside a portion for the faeries. Put your offering in a corner, and when you've finished your portion, take up the faeries' portion. Angela-Eloise reminds me that you never say "thank you" to a faerie. It insults them. Try saying, "My, that was some kick-ass Budweiser, eh faerie?"


3. As Tennessee Jed puts it, try not to make matters worse. The more riled up you get, the more bad faeries you'll attract. Jed mustn't have a bad faerie to his name, because he climbs baseball stadium light fixtures to change the bulbs. You just can't do that if you're surrounded by bad faeries.

4. If the bad faeries will not leave you alone, get dressed up in your finest and go to a service at the nearest mega church. Let them think you're converting to the religion that belittles their existence. Okay, so this will be hard for you, too. It's called tough love.

5. If you have a baby and you're afraid the bad faeries are going to try to substitute a changeling -- well, that's gotten easier to control than ever. Just buy one of those nursery monitors and keep it on when the tot is in bed. You'll find a nursery monitor has many valuable uses beyond merely protecting a babe from bad faeries. So it's win-win.

6. It has been my experience that bad faeries can be driven from a home by repeatedly playing your DVD set of "The Honeymooners." This may drive you from your home, too, but you'll come back and they won't.

7. Try to understand where your bad faeries are coming from. They may be cranky at having to spend time in the mortal world. Invite them for a drive in the country, stop at some beguiling spot, and suggest they explore. I have in this manner infested a little stream called Terrapin Run with a veritable army of bad faeries who will rain bad karma on any developer who tries to build a town for 11,000 people along the creek banks. Are you reading this, Michael Carnock?

So, with all these handy tips, you should be able to tame those pesky faeries and get them into shape. Truth to tell, though, it's sometimes fun to have a few bad faeries around just to make life interesting. Until they get into your computer, that is. I've got a couple doing the jig in mine just now.

FROM ANNE

THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

And the Winner Is ...

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," stain-free furniture since 2005!

Is there anything more boring than the Academy Awards? I polled the most bored gods and goddesses I could find today, and none of them are going to watch it. And that's even with a pagan-themed movie up for best foreign film (Pan's Labyrinth).

I believe it was The Dagda who told me he'll be sorting his socks while the Oscars are playing. He says if I think my faerie infestation is bad, wait until I get to Sidhe. His socks disappear at an alarming rate.

See what I mean? He can't even put two together. Has to wear sandals.

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS