I Do

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where love is always in the air! Bored gods and goddesses put it there, for all to share. It's only fair.

Last night at 12:01 EST, the state of New Jersey began to conduct civil union ceremonies for gay and lesbian couples. We at "The Gods Are Bored" applaud this action.

Yes, we know ... we know ... it falls short of the magic word, marriage. For now, though, it's a giant step for loving couples who want the same legal protection that is accorded to straight people.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" think that marriage is a state of mind, not something intoned by a priest or slapped on some fancy, flower-bedecked certificate. (I've got one of those. It makes me laugh.)

We've heard of people who got divorced before they had paid off all the credit card debt they ran up for their fancy weddings. Was that marriage, or just a day where you pretended to be Barbie and Ken?

We at "The Gods Are Bored" are proud to live in a state with a big, broad, flexible outlook. We feel that civil unions will enrich our neighborhoods with great folks and bring sadly-needed tax revenues into our coffers. We're going to get plenty of gay people moving into our state. And that is great!

I don't know about you, but truly I will sleep more soundly tonight, knowing that my fellow citizens of New Jersey are all entitled to the same state rights that I'm enjoying. And the rest of it is none of my business. No gay person has ever stained my furniture, so why should I barge into their private lives?

Yours from the Great Blue Northeast,

ANNE

THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

New Jersey and You - Perfectly Rainbow

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," broadcasting live from New Jersey, the Asphalt State. We get no respect here in Jersey. We give you Frank Sinatra and Bruce Springsteen, you give us your toxic waste.

Forget the part about the toxic waste. Because New Jersey is really the Garden State, and if you're gay, we want you!

If you live in Mississippi or Kansas, or some other dreadful Red State, and you're blissfully in love with your same-gender partner, then pack up the old kit bag and move to New Jersey! We've got brand new civil union laws that will provide your loved one with peace of mind in his or her old age.

And hey. Once you get around these mammoth property taxes, you can get yourself a really nice little bungalow, fix it up, and get along great with your broad-minded neighbors!

Gay Americans, New Jersey wants you! We know how to judge character here. Heck, it's a lot easier than judging the commuting time from Clifton to Wall Street.