International Vulture Awareness Day

Drop everything! Today, Saturday, September 2 is International Vulture Awareness Day!

Without vultures, the world would be awash in putrefaction. If only they could clean up politics the way they do festering carcasses!

There are vultures in the Old World and vultures in the New World. They are not closely related genetically. They evolved in parallel manner because there's always a nice supply of rotting meat out there, no matter what (temperate) continent you fly across.

Here's Floppy, one of my favorite vultures! See the bald head? It's a cleanliness thing. No feathers to get all matted up with gore as the bird feeds. Ah, evolution! Magnificent.

So, why do we need to be aware of vultures? Well, in both Africa and India, massive vulture populations have been killed off catastrophically. What kills something that eats festering carcasses? The medicines or poisons those carcasses ingested while they were alive. In the wake of plummeting vulture populations, some countries (especially India) have seen a rise in rabies, wild dogs, and other diseases that vultures shrug off like a walk in the park.

Fortunately, there are vulture rehab programs out there. The San Diego Zoo has spearheaded a modest but significant return of the California condor to the wild, wild West. In Africa, Vulpro is working with several species of African vulture. Due to their reproductive behavior, vulture populations are hard to restore. Here's hoping for success, though. Who wants to slog to work through dead skunks and fly-covered garbage?

So, happy International Vulture Awareness Day! Salute the next buzzard you see! I'm talking about a bald bird, not a political boss.

The word of Vulture for the people of Vulture. Thanks be to Vulture.

In Which Anne Introduces her Daemons, with an Assist from J. Scott

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored." We like gods. We like goddesses. We like sacred animals. We like pecan pie.

Do you have a daemon? Note the spelling. A daemon is an animal totem that goes with you everywhere and is a central part of your personality. If you think this is nutsy fagan, you should read the "His Dark Materials" trilogy by Philip Pullman. In alternate universes, people can actually see their daemons.

Put your thinking cap on. Imagine what Anne's daemon is. Oh gosh, what a tough one!

Anne actually has two daemons. Both are turkey vultures. Their names are Buzzy and Clem.

A fellow Appalachian Greens scribe named J. Scott has had the novel idea of soliciting characters and genres and then writing stories based upon them. So, just to be cantankerous ... err ... cheeky, I submitted characters Buzzy and Clem, vultures, and asked her to make it funny.

Bless his/her (I think her) soul, J. Scott has never met Buzzy and Clem, but she nailed them pretty doggoned good. (Except for them not liking dead skunk, it's their personal favorite.)

So first I'll let J. Scott tell you about Buzzy and Clem, and then maybe I'll elaborate on them a little bit. That way, the three or four of you who think I'm sane will know beyond doubt that I'm a wicki-wacky-wackadoo.

J. Scott's awesome tale of Buzzy and Clem is here.

Thanks, J.! Made my day!

Another Year, Another Number

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," helping you to connect with your inner god or goddess, or sacred animal, or hallucinatory mushroom! (Well, actually you have to find your own mushrooms.) We don't care how you reach the divine. Just don't stain our furniture while doing it.

Today is my birthday! Yippee! Mr. Johnson treated me to a massage. No, I mean a professional one. It's the first one I've ever had. Imagine that, me being more or less from a spa town.

If you look at my life as a Greyhound bus ride, here's how it would go:

I've already passed through Traumatic Childhoodville and Puberty City (both very hilly). Changed in Puberty City for Youthful Follyton, lots of furniture stains in that burg. From Youthful Follyton it was only a skip and a jump to Learning Land, a pleasant place to spend 4 years despite all the red brick buildings. After Learning Land, Greyhound took me through a series of little towns all known as Jobton. Final destination (or so I thought at the time): The Motor City.

Sadly boarded Greyhound in Motown. Destination: New Jersey, where I've been esconced in Maternity Borough for many years. Side trips to Mid-Life Crisisville, which I prefer to call Paradigm Change City.

The bus is rollin' on. Next stop, Pay4College Point, which you can only get to by taking residence in Suck City. By the time I'm through with Suck City, my feeling is that Greyhound will move me on down the line to Bad Knee Geezerville. I can see the high towers of the orthopedic ward off in the distance.

It's been a long ride, but since I found this blog and all my friends out there in the sphere, it feels like I'm with Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters instead of those boring earnest moms in the PTA.

I've also made friends with a Monkey Man and a bunch of people who like to dress up like vultures. So I'm happy enough on the bus.













Thank you for going Greyhound, the energy saver.





FROM ANNE
OLDHEN (Today's stupid Pagan name)

The Buzzard Shaman Prepares to Suffer for Her Faith

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," the only place on the World Wide Web to find dancing vultures, cats that blog, and any and every god or goddess ever to grace the prayers of mortal humankind!

Is it a secret around here that Anne worships vultures? Ahem, you must be new to this site. Hey, welcome! Want a piece of pie?

We all know that to be a good missionary and proselytize properly, one must suffer.

I am ready to put my life and limb on the line for the Sacred Golden Purifier.

Two days ago I introduced you to the Buzzard Mascot outfit I plan to wear to the sold-out East Coast Vulture Festival. Isn't it fabulous?

Today the doggone thing arrived in the mail. It looks even more awesome in person (or I should say, "in buzzard"), but ... ah, you religious folks ... be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

The head is made of fur. I can't breathe and see at the same time. The "feathers" weigh at least 40 pounds. Whoever made this thing was certainly creative. But that person must also have foreseen no indoor use for a buzzard costume. Once I get to the indoor activities (including the spirited shamanic dance), I am gonna collapse with heat stroke.

Yo, I'll deal, yo. Cuz u ain't 4 yr religion if u can b psyched.

If ancient Native Americans could go on Vision Quests and fast and suffer while awaiting a sign from their deities, I can honor the Sacred Golden Purifier by donning The Suit.

Yo, bring it on, yo.

FROM ANNE

THE BUZZARD OF WENONAH

They're Baaaaack! Praise the Bird!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your drive-thru dive with gods for you! Go ahead. Supersize 'em.

We've had a tense few weeks here in Wenonah, New Jersey, waiting to see if the Sacred Thunderbirds would indeed return to their winter roosting sites in the town limits.

Tonight it's confirmed. Both black and turkey vultures are flocking to Wenonah, finding the big old white pines and enjoying the view from the water tower. Oh happy day! When buzzards washed my blues away!

Here's the latest shot, hot off the press:

You too can embrace the Sacred Thunderbird, Golden Purifier! Come to the second annual East Coast Vulture Festival, and experience the inner joy only buzzard worship can bring.

You will not all weep, but you will be changed.

Our operators are standing by to take your call.

FROM ANNE

THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS