Virtual Vulture Festival 2013!

From humble origins in a small train station ...

Came the renowned and highly original

Dedicated to the most fantastic and singular bird,

The vulture!

With its kicky motto

A festival was born.

This unparalleled event not only celebrated the visitation of hundreds of vultures to a small New Jersey hamlet,

It also raised thousands of dollars for nature clubs, children's education, and otherwise sprucing up the wild spots in the town!

The festival reached its apex of popularity around 2009, with sacred vulture dances

(featuring our friend the Monkey Man, second from right...)

And a fan favorite at every festival was the peerless mascot, Buzzy!

The people attending the festival thought Buzzy was just a cute, big bird. But underneath all that paper mache and layers of old polyester was a Shaman who felt it her religious duty to don the attire of the Sacred Thunderbird.

Of course, this sense of the sacred did not detract from the fun.

Worship of the Sacred Thunderbird spans history and cultures in the Eastern and Western Hemispheres. An archeological excavation 10,000 years old revealed that the Zawi Chami people of what is now Iraq dressed in vulture feathers for their rituals. In ancient Egypt, Vulture guarded the Pharaoh's children, and the bored Goddess Maat is pictured with the wings of a vulture.

In both African and Native American traditions, Vulture has interceded on behalf of the human race during times when the Gods were angry. The Goddess Oshun was said to have taken the shape of a vulture and flown toward the sun to end a famine.

But back to being silly:

It's doubtful that this raccoon will get well. What's more likely is that, before it starts stinking up the joint, a kindly and gentle vulture (or several) will dispose of it by eating it right down to the bones. Let's celebrate this wise custodianship of our planet!

I love faeries
and the Monkey Man
and those Pillsbury hot rolls with the orange icing.

I love drumming
and Polish Mountain
and cats that look like Hitler.

I love parades
and puns
and the art work of Thalia Took

But most of all, I love vultures. This is no recent thing, readers. I've loved vultures my whole life.

Whether whimsical like Floppy

Or spooky like my good friend Clem,

Vultures are the best the world has to offer.

If you see one this weekend, give it a howdy and a hearty handshake. If anyone stares, who the hell cares?

VIRTUAL VULTURE FESTIVAL WEEKEND 2013


Artwork by ancient Egyptians, unknown hillbillies, and Thalia Took; some buzzard photos by Bird Chick and Shelly Castorino.

Another Year, Another Vulture Fest

I have to laugh at Facebook and its Timeline. We Druids see life as circular, not linear. My daughters are grown, my husband and I enjoy looking at each other, and therefore life goes round and round and round. Hopefully for awhile.

The first weekend in March is always the East Coast Buzzard Festival, at which I serve as Shaman. I am winning young hearts and minds for the worship of the Sacred Thunderbird. What a noble calling!

Here is the fabulous photo of me bearing witness to the children of Wenonah in my Shamanic attire. Please don't try to take my place! I love this day, this activity, and the bird that I hereby portray.

For purposes of navel gazing, here are the highlights of Buzzard Fest 2012:

*I finally got to hear and dance to the buzzard songs written for the festival by Jim Six. Sometimes in the past, Jim has performed inside the building. It was good to see him unplugged, with just the acoustic guitar.

*Some delightful little tot roared with laughter as he tried to feed me popcorn and I shoved it against my beak. Could have been a YouTube viral if someone had been recording it. Funniest part was, the tot was so young that he had never had popcorn before himself. Once he tasted it, he stopped feeding it to me and started eating it himself.

*A teenager gave me a buzzard paper airplane he had crafted at the craft table. Destined for my altar.

*A little girl hugged me and said, "I love vultures. I will always love vultures! They aren't ugly and scary, they're really nice!" And so the buzzard worship flock grows, cute little tot by cute little tot!

*Another little Cindy Lou Who would not leave my side when it was time to go home. She didn't cry, she just stood there. Her parents couldn't coax her to leave the bird. (Didn't help that I was petting her soft little head.)

Best part:

*This year the Wenonah Elementary School Band played in all its ten-member glory. Actually the kids were pretty good for beginners! I've heard a lot worse. Once the music teacher noticed that the big buzzard mascot had rhythm, the big buzzard got offered the honor of conducting the final number! It was classic. I'm such a ham. I felt like Snoopy doing "Long Road to Tipperary."

Unfortunately, the buzzards who inspired this annual festival have seemingly moved on to a more rural roost, about three miles away. Last year buzzards were everywhere ... I mean, over 100 kettling in the sky at the end of the day. This year I saw two lonely wretches on the water tower ... that was it.

Oh well, I think the Vulture Fest is here to stay. Time after time, the kids would say, "See you next year, Buzzy!"

When the wheel comes around to this time again, I hope it will find me at the Buzzard Festival.

So might it be, so might it be, so might it beeeeeee.

In Which Anne Swears

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored." If you're already having a bad day, better click off here and go see Dora the Explorer or something.

There's a book I haven't read, but I love the title. It is:

Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, by Nick Flynn.

Inspiring. Because there are days, let's face it, when all of us pull up to the curb in Suck City, park our cars, hit the sidewalk, and get flattened by a nearby bulldozer.

Today was one of those days for me. It was a day in which I contemplated the rest of my life and saw a one-way ticket to Suck City as I stepped onto Platform #9.

Regular readers know that such bouts of self-pity don't wash around here. Tomorrow we at "The Gods Are Bored" will be back to our sassy selves. Sort of. Maybe. Oh hell, who knows?

We're betting on "maybe." Because tomorrow night at the ungodly hour of 8:00, I travel to Wenonah, NJ to rehearse a Buzzard Dance.

The following is just to cheer myself up. Go directly to Dora if you want sure-fire happiness and light.

Anne at East Coast Vulture Festival, 2006

Anne at East Coast Vulture Festival, 2007

If those people in Akron don't mail me this Shamanic Vulture Garb, I'm gonna get on a plane, fly out there, and escort them to Suck City to keep me company.

FROM ANNE

CORNER OF DAMMIT AND ALLTOHELL STREETS

SUCK CITY, USA