Interview with a Bored Goddess: Freya
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where there's no telling how fast a cat can run when she's inspired! My name is Anne Johnson (really), and today I'm having a special guest! No tea and crimpets for this fine Goddess. Beer and munchies all around! Woo Hoo!
The Very-Much-Not-Bored Freya arrived about an hour ago, and my cats, Alpha and Beta, asked for the honor of pulling Her chariot. Sometimes you just gotta laugh. Alpha was about four when we got her and has now lived here 11 years. Beta just had major surgery this past spring. Could you tell? No sirreeee! They're out there ripping around like whippersnappers. Maybe they won't jump on my face at dawn tomorrow. (Yeah, I know. Right.)
Anyway, Alpha and Beta have deposited Freya here onto my very best sofa, and we're tucking into some Swashbuckler beer from Lancaster County. Please give a warm, wonderful, "Gods Are Bored" welcome to Freya, Mother Goddess sacred to the Norse peoples!
Anne: Wow! My cats really enjoyed your company, Freya.
Freya: Sweet things. I adore cats. Even spindly old tabbies like yours.
Anne: Yeah, my felines aren't much to look at, but they can mouse. That's really all I ask of them.
Freya: Your daughter Spare seems especially fond of the shorthair.
Anne: Yes indeed, especially since Beta had her surgery. But today, beautiful Goddess, I asked you here on behalf of my other daughter, The Heir.
Freya: I don't believe I know her. Is she one of Mine?
Anne: No, she's an unaffiliated sun-worshiper. So, what better place to spend the summer than Norway?
Freya: Your daughter's in Norway? I would have known that if I wasn't so busy.
Anne: All hail your being busy, Goddess! All hail Heathenism! It must feel so good not to be a "myth" anymore.
Freya: It's wonderful. I'm enjoying it immensely. Now, Anne, I have to tell you: If your daughter isn't a Heathen, I'm not going to go out of my way to protect her. I have followers to protect.
Anne: Yes, I know. But I'm a worried mom. Daughter off in Europe for the summer. I've never been abroad myself. I don't know how she will fare in a country where she doesn't speak the language. She's so far away!
Freya: Anne, I tell you what I'm going to do. Because you have been so faithful to all the bored deities, I'm going to lay a guiding hand on The Heir and show her a good time in the Land of the Midnight Sun. Am I correct in supposing that she picked Norway for its long hours of summer sunshine?
Anne: That, and she wanted some place that wouldn't be overrun with annoying American tourists. She wants to soak up a place that isn't dedicated to the American culture ...
Freya (concentrating): Oh, I see her right now! She's drinking a can of TaB X-treme!
Anne: WHAT? What's TaB X-treme?
Freya: What does it sound like? It's TaB, on ... TaB.
Anne: Lord love a fruit fly! Heir drinks TaB for breakfast! She may never come home!
Freya: I'll send her home to you, Anne. Safe and sound, with a suitcase full of trolls. And a worse TaB jones than ever.
Anne: She goes to Norway to sample a whole new culture and finds grocery shelves brimming with TaB. Go figure.
Freya: If Coca-Cola was a god, We would all be in trouble.
Anne: Sound wisdom, dear Goddess. Have another beer! And try the cheese spread. Fresh from the farmer's market.
Freya: Can I interest you in Heathenism?
Anne: Of course! I'm interested in everything!
Artwork: "Freya," by the incomparable Thalia Took.