Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Pitch It

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Anne Johnson here, for the Awesome Jersey Shore!

Hi, I'm Anne Johnson! Are you tired of household chores that never end? Tired of trudging the same old streets around home? Get away! Have some fun! Leave your troubles behind!

Look at this. Doesn't this look enticing? This is the fabulous, Awesome Jersey Shore! Try it for an overnight, and you'll say Wow every time you use your beach towel!

Look what the Jersey Shore can do for you:

1. Drop quarters by fistfuls into arcade games you can never win! But hey, it's fun to play!

2. Ah, the food, the food! Corn dogs, cotton candy, funnel cakes, french fries, taffy, fudge, pizza, ice cream! This is a diet-blasting destination, folks! Food makes you feel good, so eat up! Life is short.

3. Shop till you drop for stuff you don't need! Trinkets, bracelets, t-shirts, hermit crabs, postcards, the inevitable hoodie that you forgot. Just think how you'll stimulate the economy and provide jobs for all those hard-working college kids who would rather spend the summer at the shore than clerking in Dad's law office!

And last, but not least ... certainly not least ....

4. Oh, just LOOK at that GORGEOUS OCEAN! What a vista! An unbroken swath of water as far as the eye can see, ending in rough surf and interesting "beachcomber items" at the shoreline! Can you imagine a better way to spend the day than dodging breakers, listening to squeaky kids, digging up debris, brushing the sand from between your .... ummmm .... WELL ANYWAY, THE JERSEY SHORE IS GREAT! TERRIFIC! I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO GET THERE!

This vacation destination is yours for three small payments of $133. Yes! You can spend one night in Ocean City, New Jersey, for just three small payments of $133! (I hope.) What a bargain for memories that will last a lifetime!

Don't wait! Call now! Our operators are standing by! Tell them Anne Johnson sent you, and you'll get a free, yes FREE seashell! So, you'll get one night in Ocean City, New Jersey ... food ... arcades ... rough surf ... unique debris ... yawning vista ... PLUS A FREE SEASHELL!

New Jersey and you. PERFECT together! The number is on your screen. Are you getting this, camera guy?

QUALITY JERSEY SHORE OVERNIGHTS: 1-800-FLEECEME

3 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

That free seashell is pretty hard to resist.

Intense Guy said...

I'll wait til you toss in the free postcard..

Is the water even warm enough to swim in yet? :)

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

so... I'm sitting in mmy computer chair and think'okay. I'm going to the jersey shore.'...I started to laugh so much I peed myself.