Monday, March 01, 2010

Holy Week Commences

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," buzzard worship at its finest since 2005! I'm the Head Priestess of the Cult of Vulture! Yes, that is me in the ceremonial attire.

My profile picture on this site was taken at the very first East Coast Vulture Festival. It was one of the most rapturous evenings of my entire life. Imagine being buzzard besotten for a lifetime, and discovering that a charming little town just 10 miles away has been honored by massive numbers of vultures, wintering in the trees! And the town parents (note gender neutrality), instead of shooting said vultures, celebrates them with an annual festival!

Seriously, if this festival was in Cleveland, I would go to it. Don't believe me? I've been to the Hinckley Buzzard Day. Wenonah, New Jersey is ever so much more convenient.

EXHIBIT A: VULTURES KETTLING IN WENONAH, NJ, 2009

Buzzard Week has crept up on me this year. I've never been busier! But that's no excuse for neglecting religious observance.

Here's how our Holy Buzzard Festival proceeds:

In the afternoon we have a vulture-themed party for children, free of charge. There's nothing more uplifting than winning young minds and hearts for worship of the Sacred Thunderbird, Peace Eagle of the Sky. I will be at the children's program in full vulture regalia. (Last year it was 70 degrees. I almost passed out. It's called suffering for your faith.)

This year the evening Ritual includes the usual uplifting sermon on the important role vultures play in our ecosystem. Then we will have some musical numbers from a local vulture-friendly folk singer. Then a display of wildlife (including a Sacred Turkey Vulture Thunderbird Peace Eagle). After that we will have a drum ceremony from Native Americans. That's right, I'm not making this up. A real Native American drum performance to honor the Sacred Thunderbird etc. etc. etc! I am quite sure the congregation will be uplifted ... ummmm ... well, we want to be uplifted, anyway. We love buzzards! Nothing more uplifting than a vulture, don't you think?

As time permits this week, I will post pictures of previous ceremonies and helpful tips for your personal Vulture Worship. If you are wondering whether or not vultures qualify as bored gods ... absolutely, yes! See the light! Those things on the shoulder of Route 40 aren't ugly buzzards, they're Sacred Peace Eagles, cleansing the earth and keeping it pure for all living things!

Remember, vultures don't mess with living things. Not even little kittens. Vultures are peace on the wing. Watch them fly and ask yourself how great it is to be stuck on the ground.

All hail the Sacred Thunderbird! Long may the Peace Eagle reign!

5 comments:

THE Michael said...

If only someone like you could lend the lowly fireant the same sacred reason to exist that you do the Vulture, I might not enjoy wiping them from the face of this Earth so much.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Truly art thou worthy to wear the Sacred Thunderbird regalia!

Lori F - MN said...

When you say "Hinckley", do you mean Minnesota?

Pom said...

While I have not gone wholly buzzard crazy, I have certainly been moved by your blog entries about the noble bird to lecture the ignorant about the merits of the vulture.

And that, quite frankly, is a sentence I never thought I'd type in my life...

Maebius said...

All hail the sacred Thunderbird indeed! I miss them up here in NY, after them being a very frequent and not-quite-sacred part of my younger days camping in southern PA.