Monday, March 22, 2010

First Part Last

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" I hope you are hale and hardy today,

On Sunday I went to my Druid Grove. We meet in a large state park outside Philadelphia.

After such a cold and snowy winter, the park still looks beaten-down and shellshocked. There's not much green. Nevertheless, on an unseasonably warm afternoon, I could easily find little buds shooting out of the ground. I also could hear the songs of birds that don't venture into the Jersey flatlands -- the phoebe and the towhee.

I thought to myself, "Spring rolls around every year, and the birds sing, and the buds open up, and the wheel makes a circle."

Then I thought about that circle for a moment.

The birds singing are not the same birds that sang in the park 10 years ago. Those birds have died. These are new ones. The buds coming up are replacing dead foliage. Everything looks and sounds the same, but the cast and crew have changed. This is because, while the wheel turns, life is still linear. We're born, we're young, we mature, we age, we die. New people take our places.

From this cheery little meditation rose the thought that my youth -- my personal springtime, to be metaphorical -- was very difficult indeed. My mom was sick, my family was poor. Everything was a struggle. College was no picnic either. Then I jumped straight into maturity. A long-term relationship, children, cats. Let's not forget the parrot. And all the time I have worked. Constantly since I turned 16. I even worked part time while I was in college. I went back to work two days after The Heir was born.

If I look at my biological calendar, it's time to enter autumn. But I'm not going to do it. Fountain of Youth be damned. I want my springtime!

So, if you will, take an axe to the brittle, old parts of Anne. Let the new growth erupt. Time may be linear, but I'm going to cheat the clock. I'm going to have the first part last. Howl at the moon. Catch a shooting star. Kick up my heels and dance in the rain.

Spring comes every year, but this time I'm going to jump on and ride that train.

4 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Like the old saying goes: "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." You go, you!

Hecate said...

f I look at my biological calendar, it's time to enter autumn. But I'm not going to do it. Fountain of Youth be damned. I want my springtime!

Son was born when I was quite young. I went from babysitting my mom's children to raising my own. I promised myself that, when Son was raised and I was still (relatively) young, I'd have the fun that I missed out on in my teens and twenties. I remember that whenever I'm tempted to act my age.

THE Michael said...

You know that saying, "You can't go home again"? You can't. I stopped by the place on my way back from my family reunion. The "place" wasn't there. At all. I had a hell of a time placing where it should have been. In the end, though, it felt poetic. I considered that "place" my time in hell. I'm still here. It isn't.

Hayden said...

forget calendars. I burned mine. Perhaps you could offer yours up at a full moon bonfire and just keep dancing!

as for going home again - did that too. Different place it is. Horus said my heart would heal here, and who am I to stand around arguing with Falcon-Headed Gods?