The Shelter Is Ready
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we hear tonight of a dreadful bombing event threatening a gentle, benign Goddess whose primary tasks are bathing the nighttime with a silvery glow and shoving water uphill.
The Moon is under attack! Run, Luna! Save yourself!
Don't worry, readers. We at "The Gods Are Bored" have a well-stocked and efficiently run bomb shelter for situations like this. It is staffed by volunteer deities who were themselves victims of violent attack, under the able direction of Turtle Woman.
Luna, we at "The Gods Are Bored" know how traumatized You will be by this dreadful and ridiculous affront to Your celestial greatness! We have a cot ready for you, a clean change of clothing, a kit with a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, and band-aids, and -- most importantly -- the sympathetic ear of legions of Your fellow gods and goddesses who've been bombed out, mowed down, plowed under, pillaged, damaged, and defaced.
This moon bombing business was kept secret until now, at least from people like this irate Pagan. I wonder what other deities are on NASA's hit list? I won't be a bit surprised if they pulverize Pluto and call it progress.