Monday, March 30, 2009

Frank Talk about Hair Grooming with Medusa the Gorgon

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed, no. It's just a sprinkling for the May queen!

Come on, geezers, let's jam with Jimmy on the "Immigrant Song!"

No, no, no Led Zeppelin today. We have a guest! It's been awhile since we had an interview, and today's visitor is well known to those who've boned up on their Homer. Please give a warm, wonderful, "Gods Are Bored" welcome to Medusa!

Anne: Sorry I couldn't post your picture, Medusa. I have male readers. I don't want them to turn to stone. I don't need litigation right now.

Medusa: Understood, Annie dear. No problem.

Anne: I'm not exactly turning to stone, but I do feel like I've had two whiskeys too many, looking at your locks. What's it like to have snakes for hair?

Medusa: I'm used to it. I'm immortal, remember. You can get used to anything if you're given long enough to adapt.

Anne: Whoa! There's a copperhead cowlick! I wouldn't blow-dry that one out for all the tea in China! Anyway. Medusa, I'm very curious about your hair grooming regimen.

Medusa: Every three or four days, I lather with pureed mice. That's about it.

Anne: No conditioner? No detangler? No styling gel? No stay-in moisturizer?

Medusa: I'm glad you asked. Anne, I've been around a long time, and I've seen hairstyles come and go. (Except for my own. It's pretty consistent.) Frankly, you modern American women slather way too many products on your tresses.

Anne: I couldn't agree more! Just the other day I got some new samples in the mail. There was shampoo and conditioner, detangler, and then some kind of dry hair moisturizer. Four different products. Who can afford such fripperies?

Medusa: Take it from me. The hair care industry is making millions because people wash their hair too much. The whole idea of shampooing every day brings profit to shampoo companies and disaster to hair follicles.

Anne: I've gotta agree with that. No matter how expensive the shampoo I use, my hair feels like tumbleweed when it dries. What's going on here?

Medusa: Just what I said. There are parts of your body that might need a little lather every day, but your hair is not one of them. Left alone, hair produces its own oil, a sort of natural conditioner. Ask any teenager.

Anne: So your advice would be not to wash my hair every day?

Medusa: Precisely.

Anne: How often should I wash it?

Medusa: Twice a week is enough. Three times if you've got oily hair.

Anne: I'm a little nervous about this. Will my hair get greasy after a day or two?

Medusa: No. It will just be softer and smoother, more like velvet than tumbleweed. And think of all the money you'll save on hair products! Within a week or two you'll have enough to pay for admission at the Spoutwood Farm Fairie Festival!

Anne: That's incentive, all right! Medusa, I'm going to try this and let my readers know how it works. After all, my mom and both of my grandmothers only went to the hairdresser once a week. And they never looked skanky.... Whoa! Watch that viper! It's trying to eat Decibel the Parrot!

Medusa: Oh damn. Another bad snake day.

Anne: Want some detangler?

Medusa: No, I'll just use a flute. Works wonders on the vipers.

Anne: I wonder what flute music would do for split ends.

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10 Comments:

At March 30, 2009 , Blogger Maebius said...

I love this blog.
Thanks for not including pictures! :D

 
At March 30, 2009 , Blogger Christina said...

I'm a big fan of SLS free shampoo and conditioner - much better for your hair and your body. You can also consider going shampoo free by washing with baking soda a couple of times a week and rinsing with diluted apple cider vinegar (google no 'poo and you'll find tutorials).

 
At March 30, 2009 , Blogger Lisa said...

medusa is right and i am not just saying that because she scares the shit out of me.

I have very short hair and wash it every four days ( rinsie it every day with warm water) or so with a non SLS shampoo.

This severely custs down on the amount of scalp issues i used to have.

A rinse of bi-carb soda and vinigar will do the same job as a mild shampoo.

blessed be dear never boring anne x

 
At March 30, 2009 , Blogger democommie said...

Anne:

As you know from my photo, ratty, tangled, snarly, unkempt hair will not be my problem, going forward. Having said that, I am (and have been for about a year and a half) more or less "camping" in my house. I shower several times a week at the gym and what little hair I have left seems fine with that.

BTW, I was at the "Real Deal" $ store this afternoon and came across a bunch of Hatfields scrapple in the dairy case. I wasn't interested but, for a buck, I think it would be a bargain.

 
At March 30, 2009 , Blogger Aquila ka Hecate said...

Medusa is spot on.
Dreadlocks rock!

Love,
Terri in Joburg

 
At March 31, 2009 , Blogger Hillbilly Fairy said...

er, i believe that quote is from Stairway to Heaven...

 
At March 31, 2009 , Blogger Maeve said...

And here I thought this was going to be a eulogy for Decibel... hehe.

We have hard water, so too much bathing leads to dry itchy skin and scalps. (It also means that a lot of more natural methods don't work very well, since we haven't installed a water softener. I'm still debating the merits of that...)

 
At March 31, 2009 , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

if i wash my hair everyday (and i used to all the time) it became so limp and lifeless it was like a wig..so now i wash every 3 days or so..my hair is much better for it..although i need see a baby rattler sprouting behind my right ear..

 
At April 02, 2009 , Blogger Sarita said...

I somehow missed this post the other day.

I tend to wash my hair every three days, though not because I know I've been told it's good for it. No, I wash it every three days because it's hip length and a pain to deal with when it's wet. Nice to know not washing it every day is actually good for it! :)

 
At May 24, 2009 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

MEDUSA! STOP CUrSING! kids are reading this! this is inapropreate !you are ugly! I hate you! you are not cute ! old people look better than you ! nobody likes you! people should whoop you ! you smell like a garbge can ! yo mama smell like dirty socks!you make me want to throw up! people should curse at you!you are pathetic!may people throw garbge at you ! you stink!BYE BIG CURSER!

 

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