Friday, October 03, 2008

Faeries Do Not Like Catholic Hospitals



Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" There's an autumn nip in the air this morning. Time for the faeries to stir their paint pots and start painting the leaves!

I recently had a little bit of orthopedic surgery, requiring a hospital stay of three days. The surgeon works out of a local Catholic hospital. I wasn't keen on getting the job done at the Catholic hospital, but I was keen on the surgeon. Word of mouth on the guy was stellar.

I figured my faeries would protect me from the Catholic vibe.

Bamp! Wrong.

When I went for my pre-op testing, I got stuck in the revolving door. It just ceased to function with me inside it. After about ten nerve-wracking seconds, the door worked again ... perfectly.

On the day of the surgery, I walked up to the same door and promptly tripped and nearly fell. "Okay," I think. "The faeries are making this crystal clear. They don't want me in this place."

I went anyway, because it's not wise to give in to faeries.

The surgery went well, and the next day Mr. Johnson and my daughter The Spare came to see me. The Spare brought one of my three main faeries, Princess, who lives in a glass orb that I wear around my neck. I was so glad to see Princess! But when I put her around my neck, the hemp string she hangs from suddenly irritated my skin in a way it never had before. This was not a case of the opiate itchies. The hemp was scratchy. After only about an hour, I had to take Princess off. The following day, The Spare took Princess home. I've had no further problems with the hemp irritating my skin.

You might remember that while I was gone I had a guest blogger named Muin. I discussed this faerie situation with him when I got home. He said absolutely the faeries do not want to be immersed in a Catholic environment, because they feel keenly the abuse, derision, and downright pilfering of personas they've suffered at the hands of Christian clerics.

Here's some free advice. If you have to go to a Catholic hospital, tell your faeries you'll see them when you get home. Give them a tricky riddle to keep them occupied, and a libation of wine to satisfy their thirst. Otherwise, not only will they be ticked at having to go with you, they'll also make a mess of your house.


You should see my home office. The faeries ran amok, and I'm not yet physically able to clean up the wreckage. (Must admit Spare has helped with the chaos in this respect. Probably inspired by ticked-off faeries.)

The moral of this sermon: You may have a big, broad, flexible attitude yourself, but don't expect faeries to follow suit.

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
Faerie art by Seitou

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10 Comments:

At October 03, 2008 , Blogger THE Michael said...

Now, how are WE supposed to be tolerant folk when our fairies are anything BUT?

Now I'm glad I won't even let gnomes onto my property. I have enough problems dealing with THE Wifes Electromagnetic Klutz Field......

 
At October 03, 2008 , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

my fairies are slobs..they mess up the house and expect me to clean up after them...i refuse...so my house has stacks of books, magazines, newspapers, and toy mice all over the floor..
hope your doing better..
i finally went to dr. and got meds and fell asleep 10 minutes into the debate...ended up sleeping 10 hours..felling better already.

 
At October 03, 2008 , Blogger sageweb said...

I am not much into the hospitals with the St. to the beginning of the name. Why do the catholics have hospitals?

 
At October 03, 2008 , Anonymous Thalia said...

So they can lecture young women about how "so promiscuous" they are when they go in to get their Hepatitis B shots. Or at least that's what happened to me when they asked how many lovers I'd had at age 33 and I answered "five."

That's one hand, people. I guess anything over absolute zero makes me a whore. (No offense to Aphrodite Pornos.)

Also, the worst case of primal danger red flags I ever got off anyone was that priest who stepped into the elevator with me. He didn't say a word to me, luckily, and nowadays I know well enough to step out of the elevator myself, his opinion of me be damned.

I guess I was too old for him.

I wish that were a joke.

 
At October 03, 2008 , Blogger BBC said...

I'm not clear on what you are saying here but I've been treated in christian hospitals before and I have no complaints.

You have to be treated somewhere and it's all a crap shoot anyway.

But I'm wondering, if their god has a new home for them why do they even have hospitals?

Are they afraid of moving or something? Are you?

 
At October 04, 2008 , Blogger Thalia said...

I have a question. How come Seitou's Little Mischief has no nipples? Is it the wings? So he's not really a mammal, then?

 
At October 04, 2008 , Blogger Evn said...

How come Seitou's Little Mischief has no nipples?

Bodysuit?

 
At October 05, 2008 , Blogger Anne Johnson said...

A better question would be why does he have a navel?

 
At October 06, 2008 , Blogger Thalia Took said...

Oh yeah. Hmmmmm...

I always wondered why paintings of Aphrodite always showed Her with a belly button. Botticelli, Titian, Cranach, all show her with a navel, though She's explicitly said not to have a mother since She was born from the Sea. Hmmmmm...

 
At October 23, 2008 , Blogger kittent said...

If your fairies are prejudiced in a way that affects your health, I'd give them a stern lecture and make nice with the Saints. A Catholic Hospital saved my life once, so maybe I'm biased.

@BBC Just because Christians go to heaven when they die, doesn't mean they want to die because they are too stupid to get medical treatment. Most Christians I know are fine with doctors.

Personally, as long as the staff of a hospital don't preach to me I won't try to convert them.

(and I still say that you shouldn't let a fairy get away with being insolent)

 

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