No, but today I want to talk about something near and dear to the hearts of my legions and legions of readers: wind energy.
What can be more benign than a windmill, rotating blithely and generating electric current for bloated, over-consuming Americans? Windmills don't spill carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. They don't erode the ozone layer. They aren't gonna melt Santa Claus out of house and home by decimating the Arctic sea ice.
So, what's the problem with windmills?
Just this. They kill birds.
I don't have to tell you what particular birds I'm looking out for, but the Sacred Thunderbirds are not the only winged things that need fear the rotating windmills. Other large birds of prey are also vulnerable to windmill attack.
This seems a small price to pay for a push-back against global warming. But you're not an eagle. The eagle might have a different view of it.
The state of Maryland recently decided not to put windmills on the mountaintops in its state forest lands. The reasoning was that the windmills could kill birds. Including, but not limited to, that God/dess of the Sky, the Sacred Thunderbird.
Nor am I particularly enthusiastic about windmills offshore. Although most migratory waterbirds stick close to the water and hug the shoreline, some of the higher flyers could get far enough out to sea that they tangle with the windmills.
Brothers and sisters, do we need another way to depress the population of the Sacred Thunderbird? No windmills in the woods!
Perhaps I should speak to the presidential candidates about this.