Monday, September 15, 2008

Barrier Islands

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," the mall of the gods! I'm your host, Anne Johnson. I believe all deities exist, but not all of them deserve your praise and worship. And you can choose which ones you like. It's none of my business.

Isn't this a beautiful picture? It's a barrier island.

Barrier islands exist in many, many places where the ocean meets the land. Some barrier islands, like Assateague (pictured) function exactly as the Flying Spaghetti Monster intended: They buffer the mainland from the ocean's wrath.

The vast majority of barrier islands serve another purpose. This, too, is a barrier island, perhaps only 150 miles north of Assateague. Looks like a fun place to hang, yes?


Bamp. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

With ever-increasing fury, the bored god Hurracan, sacred to the native peoples of Mesoamerica, is venting his rage on those who live upon barrier islands.

Ocean front real estate? BAMP! Why would you pay top dollar just so Hurracan can come tear you to shreds? He's not a nice deity. And this global climate change has really riled him up extra-nasty.

You might think that if you live in northern climes you're safer in that condo on the barrier island. Sorry, nope. One of these days Hurracan is gonna get his whole back up and come roaring toward the Great Blue Northeast with just as much wrath as He vented on New Orleans. You live in the Hamptons? Think twice. (And send me money. I'm broke.)

Now, my dear coastal resident: Go back across that causeway bridge and buy yourself something on higher ground. Leave the barrier islands to the fiddler crabs and the piping plovers, the Spartina and the wild ponies.

Please.

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4 Comments:

At September 15, 2008 , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

and they will 'rebuild' because it's my home, it was my great grannie's home..big fucking deal...your great grannie probably didn't have a choice..you do..move your ass to higher ground...jeez..

 
At September 15, 2008 , Blogger THE Michael said...

We poor people here on high ground are just on the verge of losing our homes due to increasing difficulty in finding affordable insurance. Yet, these assholes with their SECOND homes on stilts, or hell, even those assholes with their FIRST (of several) homes on stilts right on the beach are STILL able to get federally insured policies so that every damn time their luxery beach front homes are wiped slick, they get to shrug their shoulders and say, "Oh well, we'll just rebuild"......AGAIN!!!!!

Doncha love a country where we get to lose our homes subsidizing those who will never really know homelessness?

 
At September 16, 2008 , Anonymous sott'Eos said...

> He's not a nice deity.

Hurracan takes note of the warming waters, and takes some of that energy and turns it into motion, cooling the seas. Without his intervention, the seas would get warmer and warmer until all of the fish overheated and died. And warmer water not only melts icecaps (raising sea levels), but it warms the air. Warm water and warm air result in more evaporation, and more water vapor in the air. Water vapor in the air is, pound for pound, worse than CO2 for causing greenhouse effect. So Hurracan is blowing his heart out, to our great benefit. "Not a nice deity?"

 
At September 16, 2008 , Blogger Anne Johnson said...

Speaking completely for myself, I would say, "Not a nice deity." But we are definitely getting Him riled, so some of this is our fault.

 

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