Saturday, May 31, 2008

Free Advice on Lawn Gnomes


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where life without lawn gnomes is inconceivable!

I don't think we're gonna get to see the Monkey Man today, so here's a little free advice.

If you've got one of those low-cost gnomes that isn't made of plaster, and it loses a leg, here's what you do.
Find a solid stick, cut it about three inches longer than the height of the gnome, shove the stick up into the gnome's cavity, and then shove the extra three inches into the ground.

My gnome with a prosthetic limb is standing proudly among the throng, and no one would know the difference.

Never throw out a lawn gnome. We at "The Gods Are Bored" will adopt your unwanted gnomes no matter how pathetic they look.

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

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8 Comments:

At May 31, 2008 , Blogger THE Michael said...

NO GNOMES!

 
At May 31, 2008 , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

my friend nitwit has convinced babs that gnomes suck your soul out while you are sleeping..i kept putting a gnome in her garden and she would bring it back..then nancy in mass. wanted it so sent it to her..and then tsduff wanted one so i sent her one..so you missed out on the gnomes...i can think of a couple of people that i would like to shove something up their ass and put them in my front yard...

 
At June 01, 2008 , Blogger Beag Óg Bramblefoot said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At June 01, 2008 , Blogger Beag Óg Bramblefoot said...

Anne, I still haven't quite recovered from "shove the stick into the gnome's cavity." *shiver* I may need to receive some more reassurance of your motivations before endorsing you as an adoption site.

 
At June 01, 2008 , Blogger Anne Johnson said...

Okay, the gnome was made of that stuff that looks like plaster but isn't. I forget what it's called. So the gnome was hollow inside. (Only in the physical sense). I put the stick the whole way up through the hollow part to give the gnome more stability. It was just killing me to see a gnome with one leg lying in my garden, because I sure wasn't gonna throw him out. I'm proud that he's up and guarding the premises again.

You should definitely put me on your list, because I'm the only Pagan I know of who uses lawn gnomes as guardians of my magickal circles when I cast them on the holy days.

 
At June 02, 2008 , Blogger sageweb said...

I have been looking for the perfect gnome for my yard, I am waiting for one to wink at me in the store.

 
At September 22, 2010 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are crazy find a new hobby!!!!!

 
At June 10, 2012 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just found an ad for 65 free lawn gnomes and I'm going to call and pick them up tomorrow!

 

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