The Devil Made Me Drink That Milk
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Having a deity dilemma? Do not despair! Dozens and dozens and dozens of deities delight to deliver! Pick a pantheon, greet a Goddess, grin from ear to ear!
We at "The Gods Are Bored" have been reading a little screed against the occult called Deliver Us from Evil, by Cindy Jacobs. (We picked it up at a second hand Christian bookstore.)
I believe Mrs. Jacobs might have set out to attack other religions, like Wicca. But what evolved in the course of her writing was (no surprises here) more of a red-alert against the dastardly deeds of her own deity.
I just finished a chapter on demonic possession. Apparently demonic possession is fairly common in Mrs. Jacobs's circles, and also -- if you can believe anything you read in this book -- in South American countries where missionaries are still hard at work trying to oust bored gods.
It makes sense that Christians would be wary of demons, since demonic possession seemed to be the illness du jour during the Roman occupation of Israel at the time of Jesus. Seems like half the healings Jesus and his disciples did was casting out of demons. Get thee behind me, Satan, and all that.
We at "The Gods Are Bored" believe in demonic possession, but once again we see it as a Christian phenomenon. Why would a demon from the Christian pantheon want to bother with a peaceable Pagan? The demon would be stuck in a body that never went to church.
I've never met a demon, but I'll bet they can't stand sitting around barefoot in the woods singing "Here Comes the Sun."
The more you read about casting out demons in Deliver Us from Evil, the more you begin to ask yourself which religion practices the most magic. Seems like Mrs. Jacobs (who is herself an exorcist) and her ilk do more wizardly work than you'd find in all of Isaac Bonewits's books combined.
What we'll concentrate on today is the serious matter of demonic possession of pussy cats.
Yes, true. Mrs. Jacobs says that if demons can't find a human to possess, they'll settle into poor old Fluffy. In this case she gives two examples from her very own life, where her otherwise sweet little kitty began acting really mean and aggressive and kept acting mean and aggressive until she exorcised it.
When I was a kid we had a rescue cat that was so fierce we actually called it "Devil Cat." That cat would hide behind a door, come leaping out, and scratch the hell out of you. Nor would he back off if you retaliated. He was a bloody, mean-assed cat. I've never seen another one like him that wasn't pure, out-and-out feral.
It never occurred to my good Christian parents to take Devil Cat to an exorcist. My mother never saw bad in any pet, only in her kids. And Dad was a scientist with strong atheist leanings. If asked about Devil Cat, he probably would have attributed the behavior to some backward notion like inbreeding. (We didn't know Devil Cat's biological background.)
So readers, I'm just sending along Mrs. Cindy Jacobs's advice about your pussy cat, and by extension your puppy dog, gerbil, hamster, goldfish, ferret, guinea pig, budgie, canary, and sea monkeys. I would especially be wary of demonic sea monkeys. There's something weird about a creature that comes alive when you shove some dust into saltwater.
Swear to the fruit flies this next part is true. According to Cindy Jacobs, demons can possess your furniture, especially antiques! She had to exorcise the headboard on her daughter's bed.
And they call me crazy when I talk about living with faeries.