The Verizon Horizon
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Please listen to the following list of options closely before making your selection.
If you want to go back in time to a day when computers didn't exist and your television had five channels, accessed by turning a knob, press 1.
If you want to go back in time to a day when telephones were hooked to a wall, and to reach your party you had to stick your finger in a rotary dialer (or dial the operator and tell her the number), press 2.
If you are having trouble with your cable television provider, press 3.
If you want to be able to understand the person who is being paid to help you over the telephone, press HA HA HA.
If you feel that you are giving your custom to companies that hire cheap overseas labor and then train the labor pool poorly, press 5.
If you are happy when your television remote falls on the floor and the whole doggone t.v. won't work after that, press 6.
If you cannot get a new Verizon television remote from a store any closer to Philadelphia than Paramus, NJ or Altoona, PA, press 7.
If you have 900 channels of television and the only thing worth watching is Countdown with Keith and Big Ten Football, press 8.
If you were aware that Jobs with Justice took a poll that named Verizon the American employer with the worst policies toward its workers, press 9.
If you're sick to death of needlessly complicated computer, telephone, wireless, and entertainment technology, PRESS POUND.
Hope you feel better. Me? I pressed "1" and didn't even listen to the rest!